A new one just begun – get the Prozac.

Folded:

• Gorillapod (nifty camera gadget that comes in really handy if you’re still festive drunk or suffer from an essential tremor)

• Blade Runner the Final Cut DVD (buy the four disc version if you’re hardcore – you might even find a copy in the sales)

• Cheap stuff on eBay (a veritable menu of unwanted gifts for you to devour. DVD boxsets provide the best meat)

• Lust, Caution (erotic… not subtle, but erotic)

• Finding lost cash (ever wondered where that missing twenty quid went? It’s in your jacket – always in your jacket. Now go and spend it)

Creased:

• Christmas decorations (nice last week, but now look like the longest festival hangover ever. Clear ‘em up)

• I am Legend (deathly depressing)

• Incredibly noisy doorbell buzzers you cannot detach (even when you tear all the wires out and randomly snip a couple)

• Festive electrical gubbins (all of which cough to life on Christmas Day, then break again until the shops open two days later)

• Snow (here at last. As usual far too late to a] compliment the season and b] throw at Christmas shoppers)