Soon be here…

Folded:

* Happy Christmas! (ready to fight with the family?)

* Getting a couple of days off (‘cos that’s really all it’s about)

* Granite by Pendulum (retro drum ‘n’bass with lyrics…yeah, why not)

* We Own the Night (a bitter taste to cut through the syrupy festive fare)

* Erin O’Connor (tall, slim, very pretty lady from the M&S Christmas adverts)

Creased:

* Happy Humbug! (all ready to hide out in Acapulco?)

* Late postmen (what time of day to call is 2.00 pm?! It’d be quicker to send a midget with bubble gum stuck on his feet)

* Shops abandoning their Christmas decorations in favour of giant SALE placards (a miserable thing to see and probably even worse if you have to work in these un-festive havens of grumpiness)

* Frosty mornings (a thin layer of concrete on your windscreen and only the heartiest, most deadly of £1.99 chemicals can help you remove it)

* New Year’s Eve washout (can somebody we know please do something classy like go to a ball or watch fireworks while sipping a glass of Moet. Break the cycle, please)