Good stuff and bad.

Folded:

• Get in shape to get fat at Christmas (www.mansized.co.uk have some top tips for shedding the blubber. They do require getting sweaty, but then most worthwhile things in life do)

• Giant Scorpion fossil found (cool prehistoric sea monster. Where’s that time machine anyway? Can’t anyone build one yet?)

• Still showing – Beowulf (for teens really, but just as much fun as an old Sinbad movie)

• The Japanese Shop (true to cliché, the politest store in the entire world. Wish they sold groceries)

• Flight of the Conchords (not watched much of this yet on BBC4, but it seems chuckle worthy - if a tad über-trendy)

Creased:

• Sean Kingston (maybe they could give this guy some nursery rhymes to sing or something?)

• Buying up cheap Halloween putty (you’ll spot this gloopy gloop in most big supermarkets reduced to about ten pence. Don’t buy a ton of the stuff trying to relive your youth, then have absolutely no idea what to do with it all when you get home and realise you’re not eight years old anymore. That would be very silly)

• The Darjeeling Limited (you would have to be a catastrophic Wes Anderson fan to find this artwank nonsense entertaining)

• The family black sheep (if you are this person then you already know what an arsehole you are. If not, you will no doubt have to deal with this awkward, ignorant, self-obsessed fool on a semi-daily basis)

• Shoppers suffering from pre-Christmas aggression (this is no time to buy a nice bottle of wine or the latest special edition Frijj – people are just not in mood for browsers)