Crap bag = that's from Friends, right? Not used enough in the UK.

Folded:

• Katie Hopkins (the new Diablo, reason for celibacy, ruddy face of Ambrose Wilson – a triumph of medical malfunction)

• My Name is Earl (back on Channel Four for its second series. Good stuff)

• Singing the lyrics “How can people get love… so wrong?” to the theme from Dances With Wolves. (don’t ask because you really, really don’t want to know)

• Rum (there are some really nice ones about for £20-30. All a bit Pirates, but sod it they taste nice)

• Michelle Mone (it’s a power thing. Christ, is it a power thing)

Creased:

• No more Apprentice (so, that’s it then – Big Brother)

• My Name is Earl (back on Channel Four at 10.00 pm on a Thursday? Rotten)

• Botany 500 (the clowns responsible Quincy’s big collars and baggy zippers)

• Lee Ryan (who?)

• Google (…know when you take a crap. Sort of. Worrying)