Folded = great, creased = crap, being the billionth person to mock the MasterCard adverts = priceless.

Folded:

• KitKat Chunky ‘Peanut Butter’ (imagine a Reese’s cup caked in decent chocolate)
• Wasps (a few days of sunshine and they’re already determined to ruin a quiet binge in the beer garden)
• Girls Aloud (always knew they were sluts, but thanks to E4 we now know they are complete and utter bitches as well)
• Brick (looks like an interesting take on the teen/crime movie genre. Next up – every teen in the world dies horribly from syphilis, directed by Jim Drake)
• Cider (it’s coming back, and you don’t even need a bus shelter to drink it in)

Creased:

• Diarrhoea TV ads (pretty lady, nice hair, fancy handbag, she can’t SHIT properly. You’ve not flogging sanitary towels here, just some product shots and a comfy looking bed will do)
• Michelle Dewberry (shamefully stole The Apprentice from Badger. Nothing to do with her strained facelift looks and childhood sob story, we’re sure)
• Control Myself by LL Cool J feat. Jennifer Lopez (starts quite well. Ends with you setting light to the stereo)
• “Zzzzzzzzzz…” (oh, for Christ’s sake. See above)
• Sure deodorant World Cup TV ads (worse than glamorising The Shits, this inspires the notion that football is only enjoyed by primate men who like to touch each other a lot. Actually…)