“I’m not Jesus Christ. I’ve come to accept that now.”

Folded:

• Kinder Easter Mix (don’t ever grow up and decide Kinder chocolate is not the best in the world. Far better than a mini-Mars egg with a solitary Fun-Size bar inside. Woo-‘kin-hoo)

• Office Space (shown last week on BBC2, Mike Judge’s wonderful tribute to the daily grind. No longer a cult, but still a classic)

• Advance Grindhouse jabber (this is what movies are all about: arguments, musings, ‘is it over hyped?’, ‘who cares!’; all the stuff that makes us love cinema)

• The ending of Life on Mars (it’s The Prisoner all over again; let the theories roll! He looks like a dead guy to us though. Check out this great link for ALL the answers…)

• Spandau Ballet: not dead as previously thought (who isn’t excited about the prospect of a comeback? Even if they die on their arses, it’ll be great

Creased:

• Holby Blue (cop show spin-off of Casualty spin-off Holby City. Makes you want a good cry)

• Film reviews that don’t reference the film in question having been on TV a thousand times already (there are a squillion reasons why doing this is a bad idea, but somebody for fuck’s sake somebody take a stand!)

• Grease Is The Word on ITV and ITV2 (you only get one shot at life. Gamble by all means, we positively encourage that, but don’t become that person; not that person who actually cares about this bilge, please)

• Deadline on ITV2 (more reality TV, this time about celebs making a celeb-based magazine. There’s an irony joke in there somewhere)

• Making the perfect bacon butty (Leeds University: pioneers of science)