The Frey? No, thanks.

Folded:

• The Apprentice returns… again (feels a bit less kooky fun now it’s on BBC1, but it’s still unmissable viewing

• Nintendo Gameboy (the old one with the yellow screen. It’s only about a fiver now and nobody will want to steal it out your front room, unlike that Sony play-wotsit everyone is going on about)

• Edie Sedgwick (whether you rate Factory Girl or not, you should seek out this sad, but wonderfully enlightening sixties kitten)

• More Jools (despite Four’s best attempt to manufacture their own brand of cool, Later still remains the best music programme on TV. Three series’ a year is a good thing)

• Peep Show series four (we predict this will be better than morning sex, and we know more than God)

Creased:

• Live from Abbey Road on More4 (bet they read poetry in the ad breaks too. Wankers)

• Staff at Vue cinemas (this is probably most peoples local, so we’re sure you can relate to one-sided conversations with Benny-out-of-Crossroads and his lobotomised buddies)

• Playstation 3 (sure, you can find one, but can you afford it? Doubtful, despite how shiny, black, matt and sexy it looks)

• Used to be marvellous TV girl Debbie King (things are not looking good for this chipper lass since the close of ITV Play. That’s a bloody shame, as we still like her.

• Get Your Act Together on Channel 4 (the same old thing trumped out with the same old style. Come on, when are these programmes ever going to tell us something we don’t know?)