- Wit Tank – This comedy sketch show is justifiably taking the Edinburgh Fringe by storm.
- Panic – The streets of Edinburgh are electric as a sense of humour spreads to Scotland.
- The Batmobile – It’s a step closer.
- Spooks – It’s been trying really hard to get the chop and now it has.
- Bert & Ernie – To get married? Absolutely! Why the hell not?!
- Animals – There are cute animals that roll around when you scratch their bellies and then there are these bastards.
- David Cameron – He’s like ‘animals being dicks’ only he’s a person being a dick. “The police should be applauded,” [whispering] “Well, actually, the police got it completely wrong.” Sod off.
- Benefits – A petition calling for rioters to lose their benefits will be considered in parliament. George Osborne is said to have had a massive, uncontrollable orgasm at the idea. Finally! An excuse to cut the poor!
- The Scottish National Party – Let’s score political points out of something that affects all of society, not just those of us that like Braveheart. Oh, wait…
- Braveheart – Terrible film. That’s… all we have.