That first grey hair (Creased). Tell yourself you look distinguished (Folded).

Folded:

* Numberwang (Mitchell and Webb have created the finest game show since Friends’ Bamboozled. Play it at home)
* The Feeling’s Never Be Lonely (gets in your head and just stays and stays, like earache. Hang on, this should be in Creased!)
* Nikki Grahame: fair play (never, ever thought this would happen, but, my God, did they put that girl through some shit on Princess Nikki. Literally)
* Old mobile phones (loads about now and they are dead cheap. Look like an adult – buy a brick)
* Razorlight (seem an unlikely Number One from a terrible bunch of arseholes, but kudos must be given)

Creased:

* Snooker commentators sketch on That Mitchell and Webb Look (you can tell it’s their favourite, but it’s just not funny, fellas. Sorry)
* Amy Winehouse, currently appearing as, what appears to be, a transvestite in her latest video Rehab (Pete Burns, you couldn’t even curdle milk, my son)
* Season 3 repeats of Friends on E4 (when white generica sitcom Friends embarrassed us all by trying to be more ‘edgy’. Gasp! Knob jokes, sex with your mother and a “bastard”! Didn’t last thankfully)
* Old mobile phones’ battery life (yeah, it’s not that great to be honest)
* BBC’s new take on Robin Hood (Robin of Sherwood, that’s what the kids want. Trippy opening title music, abysmal acting, permanent rain, Jason Connery – come on people! Join up! Currently on ITV3)