"Woke Up this morning" (folded) "…got a load of abuse from some teenagers at the bus stop" (creased).

Folded:     

• The end of the school holidays! (not that it will make that much difference really. Most of the little council kids are up past midnight and never go to school anyway. Best keep the Krooklock handy)
• The Rapture ’s Get Myself Into It (we’ve gotta keep it grimy in Blighty, but the Americans, as usual, do polished musical gloss spectacularly)
• Milkshack (150 flavours of milkshake freshly mixed on the spot – including one made out of Reese’s Cups!)
• X Factor’s excruciating pull (heaven help us, but it’s just great TV)
• Steve Irwin (44 good years before his number sprung up. Think about it, forty-odd years when cuddled up to crocs and snakes [and fish] every day is not actually that bad going) 

Creased: 

• My Small Breasts and I on BBC 3 (featuring a beautiful girl with a figure most women would cut off their hips for complaining her breasts were too small [they were small, but she weighed less than a bottle of cola, what did she expect?!]. Talk about ‘I want everything and I want it now!’)
• Owen Wilson (needs to stop making such toilet films and realise he’s actually quite a funny bloke)
• Ghost Whisperer (silly kids television aimed at grown ups)
• Being south facing (makes sleeping off that morning hangover impossible)
• Charity shops (gone are the days when you could find a retro bargain, battered leather jacket or a nylon shirt perhaps. Too many pouty students serving and not enough clueless old ladies)