This week’s half full and half empty.

Folded:

• Moon (strange Sam Rockwell, watchable as ever)
• Plaid shirts (classic style anonymity. Buy a padded one to look like a window cleaner)
• When Eight Bells Toll (the youngest you’ve ever seen Anthony Hopkins. If you’re off sick this is bound to be on Film4. It’ll really pass the time too)
• Omega Seamaster watch (you can’t afford one, but no-one will know when you stare through the jewellers’ window)
• Autumn video games (Modern Warfare 2, Splinter Cell: Conviction, Uncharted 2, Alpha Protocol, etc – prepare to have your pockets lightened)

Creased:

• Brüno (when cringeworthy stops being funny)
• Swine flu inevitability (had the bug yet? It’s getting to the ‘everyone knows somebody’ stage now)
• Guys who refer to their wives or girlfriends as ‘er indoors’ (they probably say ‘aye’ a lot too)
• Crunches (the most miserable sounding exercise ever. Going on the beach? Just wear a vest or something)
• Waiting for autumn video games (you’d never know it because of the damn unpredictable weather but we’ve only just started August)