We have a new dog, a little Westie about nine weeks old. We were thinking of calling him Pip (that’s Folded), but some sorry soul has suggested Jazz (that would be Creased).

Why do people talk at all sometimes?

Folded:

• Jaime Pressly from My Name is Earl (white trash is the new cover girl)
• Tsotsi (don’t be a gay pirate, see it at the cinema)
• Unsound (better than a shower and a hot cup of coffee)
• Value chocolate (fuck Fairtrade, this stuff’s 25p a bar!)
• Felicity Huffman (the fittest Housewife is actually a bloody good actress)

Creased:

• ‘Dark’ movie comic book adaptations (when will you people grow up? Comics are for children!)
• Empire Film Awards (King Kong? Don’t let the public vote, they’re idiots)
• Tears (when will those wimps on The Apprentice stop crying?)
• The Internet (not a lot of help if you’re spying for a living)
• Graham Coxon (what, make dull artwank music for Pop wearing students and you’re credible, is that it?)