Not two weeks ago today, hecklerspray headquarters was completely decimated by dragons. Well, we weren't completely decimated per say, but they effed up our breakroom pretty good. They somehow pried open our vending machine and put the Kit-Kats where the Pop-Tarts should be, and the Pop-Tarts in the bottom part where any office hooligan could grab them for free.

Chaos, we know. As if that's not bad enough, the dragons then emptied our napkin dispenser and completely disemboweled our maintenance guy. Poor Paco, all those expensive mop lessons and they couldn't even save him. We were so mad. You know what we could have used that day? A Conan. He kills stuff like that all the time – but not that day he didn't. That day the barbarian was nowhere to be found.

And now, as if rubbing it in, Hollywood seemingly sent us a big 'eff you' by announcing that they're bringing Conan back. Sure, they can find him when need-be.

The eighties' most glistening-nippled barbarian is set to make a silver screen comeback in or around 2008. Conan, of both Destroyer and Barbarian fame, once again finds himself in the good graces of tinsel town, and a new incarnation of his exploits is being prepped. This time though, his English should be a bit better, as Arnie is too tied up with his day job to play the part in time for it's proposed release. A replacement actor has not yet been found.

The man with the most invested in the project right now is Director Boaz Yakin, who supposedly wowed the cinematic powers that be with his take on the character. Yakin's past directing/writing credits include Titans, The Rookie, and a the greatest film of all time ever in slower circles – Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.  

hecklerspray is emotionally confused on the whole matter. On the one hand, it'd really be nice to see Conan rip off an animal's horn, and repeatedly stab said animal with it until it drowns in mouthfuls of it's own blood – like old times. On the other hand, we're a little afraid that a Patrick Swayze Havana Nights-esque walkthrough may destroy the whole franchise – the audience isn't ready to see Conan's masculinity pale like that.

Unless you had the two team up. Pat could teach Conan to Pirouette, and Conan could teach Pat how to eat food out of his enemies' skulls using only his first three fingers. Call it a buddy flick, and throw in Owen Wilson, Danny Glover or Jake Gyllenhaal and you got yourself a smash hit. A smash hit we tell you!!

Read more:

Conan Is Back – Again! – Cinematical

[story by Shawn Lindseth]