Coleen McLoughlin is not a Chav. Except she is

Liverpudlian footy bird Coleen McLoughlin has renounced her media-imposed ‘chav’ title in a Vogue interview, despite evidence to the contrary as seen in the blessed tabloids over the past year or so.

She spends Rooney’s money, rows a bit, then spends more of his money. He’s a boy genius with a Gazza-like picnic/sandwich deficit, so we can’t even blame him that much. Beer and football; it’s what he does best and (by and large) he sticks to it.

Coleen on the other hand buys YSL jumpers and matching clutch bags then moans, "What does my head in is when you get a new bag, and then there’s a knock-off version down the market the next day."

At least Rooney knows his place. Coleen, sister, you may not think you’re a chav but you wouldn’t catch classy dame Kristen Scott Thomas (DVD) saying that last comment would you?

"I don’t understand that chav label.” Collen cheerfully told Vogue magazine, “I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean. When you see someone in the paper, it’s so different to real life, isn’t it?"

Ever seen Charlotte Church (CD) in the flesh? There’s no illusion shattered, put it that way.

"I’m not the person the newspapers think I am. And there’s all this hype, but I didn’t seek it"

We can only sympathise with the Vogue interviewer. It can’t be easy keeping a straight face when the person sitting in front of you is dripping in more gold than an Arabian street merchant.

“I go shopping and I buy what I want. But sometimes I’m photographed and there’s a story that says I’ve been on another spending spree, when all I was doing was popping round to my mum’s or buying a friend a birthday card."

Have we misjudged poor little Coleen? Is she really just a nice girl taking unfortunate styling tips from J-Lo (DVD)? Does she even look quite good in the right amount of carefully controlled artificial light?

We know what we think, how about you?

Pop to Ebay for a Coleen clothesarama.

[story by Chris Laverty]