Coleen McLoughlin Expands Pointless ‘Career’

Checkout-girl-who-got-lucky Coleen McLoughlin has been busy of late.

Not only does she have the arduous task of stopping her simpleton boyfriend Wayne Rooney from sticking his Neanderthal wee-wee into elderly ladies, she's also got a lot of money to make. Coleen, you see, has got a bit tired from leeching off Rooney's utterly worthless career, and has decided to take the leap into carving out an utterly worthless career of her own.

Coleen has revealed that she's 'busy working' on her own 'fragrance and beauty' line, having scribbled her name (possibly with a nice big 'X' rather than those nasty words) on a contract which offers:

…a reported £10-million deal which looks set to confirm her fashion icon status and boost her earning power even closer to that of her soccer star beau.

Yes, like pretty much every pointless celebrity before her, Coleen has decided to launch her own perfume, which will soon no doubt be stinking out Wetherspoons pubs the nation over. A nice little earner, you might think (especially given the fact that 95 percent of the British public are inane halfwits who'd gleefully swallow rat poison pills if they came from a bottle with Ant And Dec's faces on it). The fact is, however, that Coleen doesn't actually need to boost her cashflow that much, seeing that she:

… already earns £5 million a year from her various modelling and magazine contracts, and is set to announce a two-year deal with ITV to present a series of programmes for the channel.

So depressing is this state of affairs, infact, that hecklerspray has started work on a Matrix-style virtual reality machine, which - once completed - we can all crawl into and leave this miserable idiot-worshipping plane of existence far far behind.

You should join us in our alternate cyber-world, by the way. You'd like it there. The sun is always shining, politicians always tell the truth, all stupid people are forced out of the country and made to live on an island, and they still show Quantum Leap on the telly.

Only repeats, mind.

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Coleen Signs Deal To Create New Perfume - Yahoo