Neil Young once said that “It’s better to burn out ’cause rust never sleeps”, advice that has not been lost on many musical acts of the last couple of decades.
Usually indie and rock bands whose opportunity to ‘burn out’ comes from being dropped by their record label after a disappointing second release. However, the same cannot be said of one of the most insipid groups ever to come bounding forth from the loins of the UK music industry; Chris Martin’s self-satisfaction vehicle Coldplay.
Of course, there is an argument that Coldplay’s brand of self-important bore-rock is one of the most culturally significant musical forms in modern music but that’s an argument to be made by people who aren’t subjected to actually listening to Coldplay, a group punctuated by whining, anally-introverted lyrics and anaemic riffs more reminiscent of an afternoon at a wake than a matin?e performance at Wembley.
Now it seems Coldplay have decided to take a step in an infinitely predictable ‘rock’ path by writing a concept album.
Lucky us.
Produced by Brian Eno and Marcus Dravs who should- by now- know better, the album will look into the themes of boredom, loneliness and crippling, arse-numbing tedium. Actually, that’s our upcoming biographical concept release based around the emotions invoked by Chris Martin’s lyrics.
In an interview with the BBC Martin stated that;
“It’s from the point of view of two people who are a bit lost… Two like-minded outsiders who meet in a very difficult environment and therefore have a journey together.”
Before going on to add;
“It’s a concept album but it’s supposed to be very personal within a big framework. Does that make sense?”
Here at hecklerspray, we’ve had the explanation for the concept analysed by professors of both English and Music from some of the top former polytechnic institutes in the country and we can categorically state that, no, it doesn’t make sense at all.
Unfortunately for people with colour and hope in their lives, Coldplay’s album looks to be a nailed-on success having spent a year forming full and reasoned ideas from the fragments of musical detritus that their initial writing attempts had left them with. Coldplay’s album will doubtless be one of the top-sellers of 2011 and the awards and gratification that they so desperately seek will come flooding towards them as their legions of grey, drained fans come out of the woodwork having been forced to tune into every single ‘mission show’ in order to hear a version of ‘Fix You’ played over the depressing opening of a man walking with the legs of a dog or something.
Of course, far be it for us to criticise Chris Martin, Other Guy, The Bassist and Little Drummer Boy. They’re very self-aware and know that there’s a lot of hostility towards them in the world. It’s almost refreshing to see such honesty from Martin as he discusses the lyric-writing process in the studio;
“I’m so lucky that we have that group, in as much as there are a lot of people who don’t like us in the world, but there would be a lot more without this filtering system… Think of the rubbish that doesn’t get out, if you don’t like the stuff that does.”
That statement reads more like a threat of biological warfare than a frank statement about the quality of their songwriting; maybe as long as the entire population of the UK buys their ‘concept’ album they’ll spare us an album of their ‘B-Sides & Rarities’ where the sound of their target demographic groaning under the pressure of mediocrity will be louder than Martin’s warbling about his desire for a larger vault in which to keep his cash.
Short of the aim of this interview, to make Coldplay seem less like whimpering shite-peddlers and more like an approachable, friendly rock band, Coldplay and their front-bum Martin come out of the interview with less musical credibility than a Michael Barrymore Christmas album.
And surely, dear reader, that’s worth the license fee alone?
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Tom J says
Will the concept be to write an album that’s actually any good? Because that’s straight of leftfield for Coldplay. Nobody will be expecting that one.
Zed says
What’s with all the negativity surrounding Coldplay? I understand people disliking their music; it’s not the best thing in the world and we all have our likes and dislikes, but come on. This article is absolute garbage and overly biased. Who does the author think he is? Coldplay is still music and far, far more musical than any of ear-poisoning junk you hear on the radio. They have their own style of music. I wouldn’t write about how much I dislike hip hop music would I? No, because I prefer listening to various types of rock. This joke of hating on Coldplay is getting old, and the article looks pathetic because it’s just a guy rambling about how much he thinks their music is trash. Go write about something else. Opinion? Yes, we are all free to our own opinions, but back it up with something and be a bit more realistic. If you can’t, maybe you’ve just gotten stubborn with hating a band that’s really not all that terrible. Most artists work really hard to create their own style of music, and that’s their art. Give them some credit, and quit bashing without even giving any thought of how much of an annoying rambler you seem to look like, please.
Ringmaster says
All aboard the anti Coldplay bandwagon.
Oh dear, Michael Park. What a poor article.
Wannabe music critic? That is a shame. No-one wants your opinion forced on them. No-one wants to read a childish rant without any sort of thought or insight.
You’ve rehashed the words of thousands from the past 10 years. It’s nothing new, nothing original, nothing funny and certainly nothing clever.
“gossip for grown ups”
Shame it’s not written by grown ups, huh?
Peter says
I like millions of other people around the world like Coldplay. Got a problem with that?
Or are you just another masochistic music journalist who likes getting upset over a very popular soft rock band?
Hey if they keep people like you so miserable and sad that you have to write a prolonged bore of an article wasting your time entirely then I for one will laugh with glee!
Will says
I agree with Zed. This is a terrible article. The author is far too biased. You’d think Martin had slept with his mother or something equally as awful.
Cookie Monster says
My vote is for “off putting”, if this is the weekly delve into… oh, shit; no, it’s the weekly Coldplay post. I may as well hit the Submit button anyway, as the sentiment is the same.
Indeed, I did just now
Wembly Fraggle says
Zed’s braindead, baby, Zed’s braindead.
Martin Feld says
I don’t mean to sound rude, but what were you hoping to achieve with this article? Are you just trying to annoy people? I’m sure both fans and haters of Coldplay would find this article offensive and unfounded. You post for ‘Music News’, and this isn’t news. There is no point in the article that any evidence or reason is given for calling them ‘whimpering shite peddlers’. Reviewing obviously requires an opinion, but there’s no need for slander.
matt2k says
Reading this article was a waste. Since reading this sad, bitter, piping hot shit heaping mess of bantor, listening to Coldplay now sounds like a young, happy-go-lucky, smiling rock band fueled by smiles and adrenaline. This material sucked.