Hey everyone, Coldplay are back! Finally, drearily self-important, emotionally hollow stadium rock for people who don’t like music has a voice again!
To mark their return, Coldplay recently decided to release their new single Violet Hill as a free download. And apparently Violet Hill has now been downloaded by two million people eager to hear Coldplay’s Spanish-influenced, Brian Eno-helmed new direction.
Sadly there aren’t any figures for how many people only listened to Violet Hill once, rolled their eyes because it’s exactly the same as every other Coldplay song ever written and instantly deleted it from their iTunes library. We’re guessing it’s just a shade off two million.
The fastest way to get people excited by anything is to offer them something for free. People love free stuff. We’ve literally seen people arguing over a bag of horseshit in the past because it was free. And if they love horseshit they’ll go crazy for new music by Coldplay.
Now don’t get the wrong idea. We’re not comparing Coldplay to horseshit. It’s an unfair comparison to make because, well, everyone loves horseshit, don’t they? Anyway, we’re straying dangerously away from the point here, and that’s that last week Coldplay released their new single as a free download. And also that horseshit is better than Coldplay.
Violet Hill was the first taster from Coldplay’s new album Viva La Vida, and last Tuesday the band let the world download it for free. It was a smart move – a quick and easy way to remind people of their return, help diffuse the pressure of following up an album that was number one around the world and allow them to exorbitantly overcharge fans for concert tickets in future because it gave them that one song for free once, remember?
And, according to Coldplay, Violet Hill has been downloaded two million times since last Tuesday, which is apparently enough to outsell the entire top 40 four times over. Just imagine how many people would have downloaded it if it was actually good. The Telegraph reports:
In the first 12 hours, it was downloaded by 300,000 people, a figure which doubled overnight as other countries logged on to coldplay.com… Gennaro Castaldo, of HMV, said: “Coldplay will not have made a huge loss by giving away their first single because they are very much a group that connects with their fans via their album. The industry will be looking very carefully at how the album sells following their decision to allow their fans to downlaod the first single for free.â€
Plus, don’t forget that giving away your first single for free means that you won’t look a clown when you’re inevitably beaten to number one by The Crazy Frog again.
Anyway, two million downloads in a week is a huge amount, but don’t be fooled by this whole ‘enough to outsell the top 40′ nonsense, because that’d only really work if the download was limited to people who live in the UK. The two million figure is worldwide, and that’s still good – but it means Violet Hill is not quite as popular as My Humps. And people paid for that. And it was My Humps.
Also, because it was free, you can’t expect everyone who downloaded Violet Hill to go and buy the new Coldplay album. In fact, if you start with two million and minus the number of people who just downloaded Violet Hill because it was free, then minus the number of critics who downloaded it out of professional obligation, then minus the people who downloaded it because they were curious to see if Coldplay had actually managed to make a good record and instantly deleted it because they obviously hadn’t, and what are you left with?
Chris Martin‘s Mum. Good work, Mrs Martin! Keep making us proud!
Read more:
2m people download new Coldplay single – Telegraph
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Your an idiot, Coldplay are excellent. This song is not there best but still good and entirerly different from there other songs. Tart.
You’re. Their. Entirely. Their (again).
Try and step away from whatever foul, generic music you listen to and open your ears up to coldplays message and beautiful rhythms..
coldplay and beautiful being used in the same sentance, that’s almost as dangerous as crossing the streamers.
The only good thing Coldplay has given us is that amusing story in an american karokee bar last year where someone went mental when someone else got up and sang yellow.
lol obviously youre a dickhead. Like it or not Coldplay its huge all over the world its not a single band its a whole album band. and mithaearon put your flag in your ass and dont talk stupid coments and dont go to karaokes please. and dont get drunk be proud of your country if the other people notice that youre british and youre drunk they would never go to england anymore 0 tourism. the prime minister is gonna visit you to your house and he is gonna threw you a boot to your head.
what a crap review how old are you 10? have you ever thought maybe you have no taste in music, violet hill is a superb song and the album will be excellent i hve no doubt
Coldplay don’t they sound a bit like Radiohead?
Db do I know you? lol you comments have tickled me
(btw I didnt say that I went to an american bar – it was a news story)
Anyway coldplay are shit.
Thom yep they are like Radiohead, both shit, don’t get me started on Muse ….
ok mithaearon you think coldplay are shit maybe its just me but i dont read about bands i dont like any way who do you like give us a laugh
What are you on?!!!? Bashing Coldplay like that! They are a great band, and the new single is great! Besides anyone who doesnt like them why are you commenting or looking them up? and if you are going to bash them, dont, just close your mouth and keep your useless comments to yourself… This article is bogus!
Kevin, this is Hecklerspray, I read all the stories as they are so funnily written it gives me a laugh.
I could say I listen to Avril L and it would still be better than Coldplay (I don’t)
I have a wide range of tastes in music from classic to balls out heavy rock.
But lets try:
Neil Young – not the best player or singer but thats the point, the man can go from country to Pre gunge type rock in minutes and pull it off. Coldplay? they just pedal out the same dreary shite release after release and the mindless keep listening.
Beethoven – Highly talented musician that wrote and performed some classics! Coldplay on the other hand wrote Yellow. I need say no more.
KLF – nutters that again can go from dance-tastic (albeit dated now) to chilled out yet interesting. Coldplay on the other hand just send people to sleep.
Sex Pistols – Back in the day they shock up the world of music. Coldplay gave away a free single (erm been done before its getting old now) and offered buy one get one free (they knew noone would buy it all ). Hardly reveloutionary is it?
The Beatles – Cliched to say you like them now, but I was brought up on them, and was into them before the mono browed ones came on to the seen. Invented and inovated so much. Coldplay?
My Dog – barks and makes a terriable howling noise; Still better than Coldplay.
I could go on but I won’t.
Coldplay are shit.
Bogus?! Who says bogus anymore? Is this 1991? Am I wearing tie-dye?
Fair play miyhaearron didnt think you would say who you like as so many coldplay haters dont, still cant see how you can say coldplay songs sound the same ie clocks , the scientist sound nothing alike, most people i know hate them because they are middle class white boys who dont swear take drugs etc etc but make amazing music. Avril Lavigne better than coldplay you are taking the piss , the sex pistols may have shaken the music world up but was it cause their music which i think sounds all the same or the way they behaved. Got to go and cut the grass but hey the noise is better than the crap you list