Coldplay Beaten By A Crazy Frog?

hecklerspray has a dilemma for you.

Imagine you’re sat on the bus, pleasantly minding your own business. Two mobile phones go off nearby. One ringtone is the polyphonic version of Coldplay’s (CDs) new single Speed Of Sound. The other is the wailing scream of a thousand abortions ‘bimbimbim’ madness of the Crazy Frog.

You only have one bullet. Which mobile owner do you elect to shoot through their mewling skull?

Probably the Frog bloke, isn’t it?

It’s a real achievement for those Jamster people: they’ve taken a billion-selling b(r)and like Coldplay and actually turned them into the underdog. That’s right - according to early chart predictions, experts are scratching their baffled heads at the idea that Chris Martin and the boys might be pipped to the number one post by a motorbike-riding amphibian.

A HMV spokesman attempted to come up with an explanation for the massive popularity of the warbling little bastard (the Frog, not Chris Martin): "Kids obviously find it cute and cool, but students and even office workers seem to be drawn to its rather kitsch, ironic appeal."

Which is a polite way of saying: "People are stupid and would download a dead cat in a bucket provided you advertised it enough."

Bizarrely, the record label behind the hugely irritating ‘ringtone single’ are finding themselves under pressure to embark on a couple of re-pressings. Yes, there really is that much demand.

hecklerspray can’t imagine why anyone would want to buy a record they can hear by simply turning on the television. Maybe our finger just isn’t on the Great British Pulse anymore.

Or maybe the people buying this atrocity are the same humourless sad sacks who catapulted Mr. Blobby to the top of the charts a decade ago.

Either way … they’re all fair game for target practise, right?

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[story by C J Davies]