Now, chances are you've just read the words 'Cliff Richard: Literally The New Radiohead' and assumed that Sir Cliff Richard has recorded a depressing wonky-eyed album full of experimentally introspective songs called things like Kafka SMTP.
However, the truth is a little more boring. Instead of, say, soundtracking an avant-garde movie about radio static with a series of dissonant chords played on the back of a kettle, Cliff Richard has instead decided to let his fans choose how much they want to pay for his new album entitled Love… The Album. But it's pretty much entirely irrelevant what hare-brained scheme Cliff Richard has dreamed up to sell his new record, because it rests on the hinges of Cliff Richard fans using the internet to preorder the album, and in our experience most Cliff Richard fans are so technologically backwards that they've only just learnt that DVDs aren't for spreading jam on and trying to eat like shiny Ryvita.
The music industry is changing, and acts need to adapt or die. That's why Madonna has signed her life away for $120 million, it's why Prince gave his album away for free with a newspaper and it's why The Charlatans are giving their album away as a free download, not because there's only about six people left who would have paid for it anyway. Crucially it's also why Radiohead let people choose how much they paid for their latest album In Rainbows, a tactic that will probably be most fondly remembered for the way it inspired Cliff Richard's latest gimmick.
Believe it or not, but Cliff Richard has always been a cutting edge innovator. In the 1950s Cliff Richard more or less brought rock and roll to Britain single-handedly, then in 1981 Cliff Richard invented the trend for twirling around shopping centres on rollerskates with epic mullets while listening to cassette walkmans thanks to his seminal Wired For Sound video. It's also a little known fact that Cliff Richard owned the world's first toaster, although back then technology was such that it was the size of six barns and took three weeks to toast each slice of bread. Plus Cliff Richard invented religion.
So with all of this in mind, it's little wonder that Cliff Richard has seen fit to hop on the music industry revolution and offer his new album to fans for whatever price they like. So long as it's between £3.99 and £7.99 and enough of them do it otherwise he's probably not going to bother. BBC News reports:
Sir Cliff Richard plans to cut the price of his new album if enough fans order it ahead of its download release. The maximum cost of Love…The Album is £7.99, but the singer says it could drop to £3.99 if there is the demand. Sir Cliff said: "We either keep one step ahead of the technology which is changing our industry so radically – or we throw up our hands and quit." But it is not clear how many orders are needed to bring the cost of the album which is due out next month. However all fans will ultimately pay the same price for the record.
Wait a minute, this isn't like Radiohead at all. This is like Cliff Richard offering to drop the price of his album slightly if loads of people preorder it instead of just mooching past it in Asda and thinking it'll do as a Christmas present for their Mum. If this is Cliff Richard's way to ensnare the kids into buying his music, he's going to be sorely disappointed. As it is Cliff Richard's music already scares children, but since his new album is basically Cliff Richard Sings The Hits Of Daniel Bedingfield And Ronan Keating we'd be surprised if children didn't instantly burst into flames and run round the streets clawing at their ears the second they heard it.
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Paula says
Stuart Heritage should do his homework better, then he would find out Cliff Richard is a respectable singer who has achieved the succesful carreer loads of youngsters can only dream of.
If Heritage wants to impress youngsters with an article putting a man down who has performed and entertained a lot of people for decades. In my oplinion he is misusing his profession. I think respect is what especially young people should be tought. Respect is what this world needs.
Christopher says
“…and in our experience most Cliff Richard fans are so technologically backwards that they’ve only just learnt that DVDs aren’t for spreading jam on and trying to eat like shiny Ryvita.”
What’s wrong with you freaks?!?
I can’t stop laughing.