Read it. Take it in. Originally we planned to hold back the name of Claudia Schiffer and Matthew Vaughn‘s new baby and then spring it on you near the end of the article, but we chose not to on the off-chance that you’d keel over with despair or suddenly explode because you could stand the ridiculous sense of entitlement that comes with a name as silly as Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond.
What will she become? Will she grow up to be a supermodel like her mother, or a film director like her dad? Nobody can really say for sure although, with a name like Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond, we get the feeling that she’ll probably end up working in PR. No, that’s unfair – her name isn’t nearly silly enough for her to get a job in PR.
Claudia Schiffer has found post-supermodel life harder than most. All the other former supermodels have gone on to find their own niches – Heidi Klum has her television presenting, Cindy Crawford has her habit of deliberately misleading her skincare customers and Naomi Campbell will punch you in the face for a fiver – but what’s Claudia Schiffer got? Her acting career died on take-off, her heart wasn’t in those exercise videos she made and she lacks the upper body strength to beat strangers up with any real conviction.
However, Claudia Schiffer might have just stumbled into her true vocation – giving mind-blowingly shit names to children. She’s hinted at a God-given talent for this in the past – she named her first son Casper Matthew (a solid 6/10 in the shit name department for invoking a cartoon ghost) and her first daughter Clementine de Vere (a tentative 8/10 for the fact that her name, translated from French into English, is actually Satsuma Of Vere) – but this time she’s knocked it clean out of the park by calling her new baby Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond. The Mirror reports:
Claudia Schiffer has named her new baby Cosima Violet Vaughn Drummond. The supermodel, 39, gave birth on May 14 with film producer husband Matthew Vaughn at her side… Cosima is derived from the Greek word kosmos which means order or decency.
Brilliant. It’s clear that Claudia Schiffer has hit a hot streak, so it goes without saying that Matthew Vaughn should knock her up as many times as humanly possibly within the next decade or so, just to see if she can pick a more infuriatingly awful name than Cosima Violet. It’ll be tough, but we have faith in you, Claudia. We have faith in you!