Chronicles Of Narnia Kiddie-Acts All Over US Weekend Box Office Chart

The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe has defied everyone who thought the film was probably a bit too Jesusy to reach the top of the US weekend box office chart.

In it’s opening weekend, The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe took the giant amount of $67 million dollars. Now, this figure might be a bit beguiling to those of you without any real sense of money, so we’ve whipped up a tasty little comparison for you.

The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe is, according to opening weekend grosses, better than War Of The Worlds but not as good as Rush Hour 2. Clear?

The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe has
managed to satisfy American cinema-goers by filling that weird gap
between Harry Potter eating up the box office and King Kong eating up
the box office. And it has managed to do it, as far as we’re able to
tell, by being mostly about Turkish delight. Here’s the full US weekend
box office chart.

1 - The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
(Ray Winstone is in this, playing the most pissed off hardcore beaver
on the planet. Or another planet. Or wherever the cock Narnia is meant
to be) $67,064,000

2 - Syriana (Or the film where George Clooney got fat, grew a beard,
fell off a chair, tore his dura, bruised his brain, lost his memory and
toyed with the idea of killing himself. If only the film sounded that
interesting) $12,030,000

3 - Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (Goblet Of Fire? We still
haven’t got round to seeing the film yet, but we’d imagine that flaming
sambucas are involved heavily throughout) $10,315,000

4 - Walk The Line (Do you remember the weird fad for pencil cases
designed like Walkers crisp packets? Wasn’t it funny to Tippex the ‘l’
into an ‘n’ so it read ‘Wankers Crisps?  First person to send a photo
of a film poster for Wank The Line wins an unspecified prize) $5,750,000

5 - Yours, Mine And Ours (Some people are calling this film the worst movie ever. And who are we to argue?) $5,150,000

6 - Aeon Flux (Some people are calling this film the worst movie eve… oh) $4,625,000

7 - Just Friends (Blah blah blah, fat bloke can’t get a girlfriend
etc. We’re much more interested in the forthcoming Amy Smart movie
Crank, about a man who has to keep his adrenaline level up or he dies.)
$3,900,000

8 - Pride And Prejudice (So anyway, Crank, right? It’s like Speed,
but in a human body. If Jason Statham’s adrenaline drops, he dies. So
he has to take loads of drugs, have crazy fights and all kinds of
mental public sex) $2,491,000

9 - Chicken Little (Crank is filming at the moment, but it sounds
like the dumbest, most balls out film that’s been made in a while.
It’ll either be brilliant or shite, but we’re probably going to see it
anyway when it comes out next year) $2,256,000

10 - Rent (Gay musical) $2,000,000

Read more:

Weekend Box Office, December 9-11 - Box Office Mojo

[story by Stuart Heritage]