Christmas Number One Betting Odds: Soulja Boy, Alesha, Sugababes

OK, OK, the Christmas number one is going to be that weird Scottish X Factor boy and his horrible Mariah Carey song - but let's forget about that.

Because for the first part of this week we'll be looking at the Christmas number one betting odds not including Sobby X Factor Cry-Boy. With him and his ratty hair and funny teeth out of the way, the Christmas number one betting odds market is wide open - wide open to all the other crummy ballads and shit-awful novelty records that are released at this time of year. And, really, isn't that what Christmas is all about? Isn't it?

Here are the Christmas number one betting odds for Soulja Boy, Alesha Dixon and Sugababes…

Soulja Boy, Crank That

You know how every single music channel seems to be on a constant loop of 'top 50 Christmas hits' shows at the moment? Well imagine if, in 20 years' time, one of these shows reminds you that the Christmas number one in 2007 was a novelty dance song about masturbation where the only comprehensible words spoken are 'Superman' and 'ohhhh!' You'd feel pretty shit, wouldn't you, especially when the children started crying and asking you why you let it happen? That's why you mustn't let Crank That by Soulja Boy anywhere near the Christmas number one spot. It's inevitable that in 20 years the children will be crying about you let sodding Leon from X Factor be the Christmas number one, but we can deal with that when we need to. Current Christmas number one betting odds - 12/1

Alesha Dixon, Let's Go Dancing

We're almost completely certain that Let's Go Dancing by Alesha Dixon won't be Christmas number one, for the simple reason that it doesn't even pissing exist. It could have existed - there was talk of Alesha recording a song set to the Strictly Come Dancing theme-song at one point, but she didn't do it. So don't bet on this one please. There is a version of Let's Go Dancing on iTunes at the moment, but that's been recorded by Dan McGrath and Josh Phillips and is unutterably dreadful, so we're not going to let it count, even if it does. Seriously, imagine someone going "Oooh baby salsa rumba dancing baby baby" over the Strictly Come Dancing opening titles just to annoy you. Let's Go Dancing is even worse than that. Current Christmas number one betting odds - 10/1

Sugababes, Change

In the distant pre-X Factor past, a group like Sugababes would have been frontrunners to become Christmas number one with a song like Change. It ticks just about every box that you could ask for in a Christmas number one - it's slow, it's ferociously important-sounding like it should be on a commercial for an airline or a government-subsidised documentary about racism, it's about your boyfriend either dumping you or dying in a horrible accident and it's got a video featuring some of the most preposterous eyelashes we ever did see. Two main reasons why Change by Sugababes won't be Christmas number one: 1) it's not an old Mariah Carey song performed by a red-eyed Scottish boy and 2) we've listened to it three or four times in a row now, and we still can't remember how it goes. Current Christmas number one betting odds - 10/1

Tomorrow - Christmas number one betting odds for Malcolm Middleton, Leona Lewis and Katie Melua & Eva Cassidy. But if that's too long to wait - or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with - head right over to the Paddy Power Christmas number one betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.