Christina Ricci Sells Out To Reebok

Remember that perennial favourite slogan of flustered parents everywhere, too distraught with the antics of their child to even issue a proper reprimand: "I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed"?

We’ve been thinking of that a lot recently. It all started when the quite wonderful young actress Christina Ricci (DVDs) decided to sell her earthly soul to Reebok, and thus invalidated her entire career in one fell swoop.

Sorry, Christina, but let’s face an unpleasant truth here. That fantastic performance you gave in The Opposite Of Sex (DVD)? The fact that you held your own against Johnny Depp (DVDs) in Sleepy Hollow? Your remarkably understated offering in the otherwise awful Monster? None of it means anything now.

Not now you’re a trainer saleswoman, anyway.

Ricci is now all set to have her fabric-endorsing face plastered on "billboard advertisements across America", nestled alongside her "male counterpart" John Leguizamo (DVDs). Thanks a bunch, John. hecklerspray was really looking forward to seeing you in Land Of The Dead. Now whenever you pop up on screen we’ll have nightmarish images of a pleb-lined JJB Sports footwear section - something far scarier than any flesh-eating zombie.

It’s not as if we’re against advertising here at hecklerspray - just check out the lovely flashing banners alongside this very article. But when advertising trancends it’s purpose (informing people about a product, enquiring as to whether they might like to buy or use it) and starts dipping its toes in the murky waters of celebrity endorsement, that’s when it starts to become a reflection on the star in question.

Vernon Kay flogging Doritos? Michael Winner (DVDs) and his "calm down dear" insurance warblings? Be honest - you expected that sort of crap from no-marks like them. When respected performers like Nicole Kidman (DVDs) take five million dollars from Chanel No. 5 to transform into little more than a big-screen Avon Lady, however, the mind truly boggles.

Still. Enjoy the free shoes, Chrissie. After all, what’s more suitable than a nice pair of trainers to help you keep on running? Keep going, though…

…your integrity might catch up with you if you stop.

[story by C J Davies]