Christina Applegate’s cancer has left the building, along with two old friends.
You can call it brave, you can call it smart, but regardless of what words you want to use to describe it, Christina Applegate has kicked the botty of cancer by having her boobs lopped off in a double mastectomy.
As selfish as it may be for her to deprive her fanbase of those fine assets, we do think that maybe – just maybe – her life is worth more than a couple of breasts. Not much, but still more.
Plus she gets to have augmented ones fitted now, that can’t get cancer and can shoot lasers and stuff. Maybe. It would certainly make for some interesting scenes in Anchorman 2: Tits of Doom.
We reported a couple of weeks back on Christina Applegate and how she had revealed she had breast cancer, but was set to make a full recovery. No one was quite sure at the time how, but it has now been revealed that the 36-year-old took a huge step – not only physically, but career-wise.
Hollywood is a place that judges a person very much on their looks, and Christina has risked a lot by having her physical appearance so drastically altered. But hey – it does mean she isn’t going to die, so it’s all good.
Showing a remarkably good sense of humour, Applegate said these words on ABC News’ Good Morning America, with absolutely no cancer in her body whatsoever:
“I’m going to have cute boobs ’til I’m 90, so there’s that. I’ll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I’ll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table.”
Kudos to her. She’s not going mental on a blog about things barely anyone cares about, nor is she getting in the news simply on the merit of being young, called Miley Cyrus and getting her jailbait figure out solely to make everyone in the world a bit uncomfortable.
But Applegate’s decision wasn’t one born of the desire to have incredible bazongas at a ridiculously late age – it was down to the cancer, unsurprisingly:
“I just wanted to kind of be rid of it. So this was the choice I made and it was a tough one.”
Following up on how the mastectomy has affected her in negative ways, leaving her upset and wallowing, Christina then went on to say those irritating inspirational words that mean you can’t help but have respect for the woman:
“I’ve laughed so much in the last three weeks. I love living, and I really love my life, and I knew that from this moment on it was only going to be good that was going to be coming. Yeah, I’ll face challenges, but you can’t get any darker than where I’ve been. So knowing that in my soul gave me the strength to just say, `I have to get out there and make this a positive.'”
Can’t argue with that. While it may not be the best of years for celebs dying, at least it’s being a shitty year for cancer. Take that!
HappyHeart79 says
I’m disappointed in the focus of this story! WHo cares that she lost her breasts!! She had CANCER for heavens sake! How can we be so shallow as to worry about our looks more than our life! Especially someone elses looks, rather than the fact that she did what she did to save her life! I would have done the same, screw the boob-crazed fans! If that’s all they like her for, then their opinion shouldn’t even be considered! Good on you, Christina!
anon says
Spare the lecture, hh79. This is tongue-in-cheek and light, while still really getting to the point. I admired the way it was written, and it dares to say stuff more sappy articles wouldn’t.
Chris says
Thank goodness I’m not the only one who was appalled by the way this author wrote this story. I’m glad to hear that there’s still some decency left in humanity.
gir says
On the other hand, live with cancer, die young, leave a corpse with great tits.
becky says
I am absolutely disgusted at this article. HORRIBLE! Absolutely disgustingly horrible. And I’m not going to waste my time saying anything more. The writer should be ashamed of himself.
macktheknife says
Does the writer have a Breast fetish? I hope no one in this Boob’s(Ian Dransfield) family don’t get Breast Cancer. God Don”t like UGLY, that’s just what this article is! NUFF SAID?
gir says
Well, if you’re not going to say anymore, could you at least show us your tits?
gir says
You know, use ’em or lose ’em.
Jill says
Tongue-in-cheek? Nice spin. I’m guessing Ian feels he is above the ol’ celebrity cancer story and decided to take the road less traveled in an effort to call attention to himself. Maybe his mom didn’t breast feed him as a young … um… boy and he is manifesting his feelings in this pitiful example of writing.
Shawn Lindseth says
If you all think Applegate is bummed because she had to lose her breasts in her mid-thirties – imagine how Dransfield must feel – he’s never had them.
Reread the article with that in mind and I think you’ll all find he’s actually being quite sympathetic.
HappyHeart79 says
Anon — Have you known anyone who had cancer, lived thru it, or even worse died a wretched painful death from it? If you have, you’re calloused – if you haven’t then I’ll chalk your response up to ignorance and hope that you grow up someday and develop some compassion!
gir says
Yes, I have known someone that is no longer with us because of cancer.
They were Christina Applegate’s breasts. A moment of silence, please.
nayru says
Everyone needs to lighten up and learn to have a little humor . It’s a celebrity gossip page for laughing at celebrities. If you wanted to read a serious article about her double mastectomy you should have looked at another website. Obviously this was a huge decision for her or for any woman. Clearly the article was being ironic when comparing the value of her life to her breasts.
Melissa Johnson says
I don’t care if she had her boobs chopped off or not, this “blog” is just not funny. After the author wrote it, I wonder if he heard crickets chirping in the back ground.
Don’t quit your day job…if you have one.
YouRALousyWriter says
Obviously, this writer has never had cancer. If he had testicular cancer, he never would have been so tacky.
‘Nuff said.