Christina Aguilera has got an album coming out soon but, rather than figure out the best way to honk and scream all 23 of her new tracks when she performs them live, she's got something else on her mind – babies.
Now that she's married, Christina Aguilera wants to get herself up the duff – but not for another five years at least, because for now she's got to concentrate on kicking every last sale out of her new album until everyone in the world becomes violently repulsed by her absurd chainsaw voice like she did with her last one. Or, you know, something like that.
When something happens in Christina Aguilera's life, she writes a song about it. That's why her new single Ain't No Other Man is an ode she wrote after getting married to Jordan Bratman, Beautiful is a song she wrote after deciding that she was beautiful and Genie In A Bottle was a song she wrote during a summer temp job she had as a genie. In a bottle. This theory has its flaws – there are no new Christina Aguilera songs called Whoring Myself Out At Russian Wedding Receptions For Half A Million Quid (Is What I Like To Do) or Betcha Hate My Voice, Terrorist Suspects – but it more or less stands up. For instance, Christina Aguilera recently told GMTV that she wants to start writing songs about having kids:
"In five years time I'd probably like to start thinking about a child and probably writing about that experience in my life on my next record… I definitely write according to specific things that are going on in my life and just having been married there is definitely one man in my life and there ain't no other man."
Of course, Christina Aguilera won't be the first among her peers to have a baby if she decides to do so – Britney Spears has seemingly given up singing to become a full-time, permanently-crying baby factory, so maybe Christina Aguilera could take some tips from her.
That's not likely, since the Britney Spears motherhood manual is comprised of one page about babies with fractured skulls and a big picture of Sean Preston sitting on Britney's lap in a car. Instead, Christina Aguilera has picked another female singer as a role model – Madonna, as she told Billboard:
"I saw her last tour. I'm looking at this woman, she's got two kids at home, [and] she's still able to do it. She's got the stamina to be up on that stage, she looks amazing and it's just really inspiring. And so I look at that and go, 'Wow, I'm 25, what am I complaining about? I better get off my butt.'"
With that in mind, let's all look out for the Christina Aguilera concept album about having a baby and then falling off a horse and getting a hernia, due in shops in 2011.
Read more:
Christina Aguilera: I Want Kids – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]