Christina Aguilera Is Fat And Doesn’t Care, So You Should Just Get Over It

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Christina Aguilera has gotten straight up fat—not curvy, thick, or big boned, but more so a “I brush my teeth with gravy” kinda fat– and the best part about is that she cares about as much as the Kardashians care about their privacy, which is about -200 percent.

And why should she? She’s already a name for herself and it’s been her voice, not her body, which has been, and will continue to be, her moneymaker. Sure, she had to rub us the right way in her younger days, but the little girl with the big voice vs. the big girl with the big voice currently trades for the same market value—see: Adele. Big girls are rocking it without excuse or comment, and it’s about damn time.

No, you won’t see Aguilera trying to sign a deal to be the face of Weight Watchers a la Jessica Simpson. You won’t see her getting self-righteous and stuffing herself in an old pair of assless chaps from her dirrrty days on a daytime TV show and telling the nation to kiss her fat ass. She’s not looking for pity or support, she’s not trying to connect with or empower the “average” female; Aguilera is still every bit the fabulous diva she’s always been, there’s just more diva to go around now.

The only people concerned with her weight gain is the public, her seamstress (maybe more the seams themselves), and probably her doctor. I’ll go ahead and prepare a response for each on behalf of Xtina since she’s too busy counting her money she’s pulling in regardless of what the scale says:

To whom it may concern:

Enclosed in this empty envelope is all the fucks I give.

XOXO,

 Xtina

Sure, she might look like she ate her former self whole, something which might have set off an allergic reaction and caused her face to inflate like a hot air balloon, but girlfriend ain’t gotta sweat a thaaaaang in her personal or professional life.

Regarding her personal life: A. Men love booty. B. Even if it’s too much booty, there’s always the chubby chasers. C. She’s got enough money and fame that she’s reached that rare status for a female where she gets whichever aspiring model/actor/dancer she wants anyway.

Look at Madonna. She looks like she’s about 30 years past dead and she can pull 20-something hot ass. Gold diggers, male or female, don’t see age or weight, they see dollar signs. Plus, they probably keep in mind that Aguilera might come down with the flu and lose some weight, whereas they know you can’t bring back a milk past its expiration date. I hope she backs that ass up into some man stealing adventures to make some starving starlets hate their life that much more. Work it if you got it, sista.

As for her professional life, as I’d mentioned before, her pipes pay the bills. She can lean up, blow up, paint her skin blue and rock out as a smurf but none of it will have the affect on her career that everyone seems to think.

Now, say, if Megan Fox will let herself go like Aguilera, she’ll be as forgettable as her personality. The only thing that girl really has is a hot body (or had? Who knows what the baby did to her).

Without talent or any amount of likability, appearance is a top concern. But for Aguilera, this is almost a power move. She’s giving the middle finger to the whole entertainment industry by staying relevant even as she breaks all the societal norms for females in her position. She’s not doing it to prove a point, she’s not apologizing for it, and fuck empowering the masses– she wants cheese sauce on her wings because that’s what she wants, and diva gets what diva wants.

Christina Aguilera is quite literally having her cake and eating it too. If you’re inspired or disgusted, she couldn’t care less, because it’s red velvet with cream cheese icing and she’ll be damned if she let’s you wreck it for her.

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Comments

  1. Luciano says

    Im brazilian man and I mus confess she is not fat like you do say on it..
    She may have overweight…but she looks great and sexy…
    I remeber well and she is a anorexic girl in her early 20s..

    Let the bones for the dogs..men like curves too…something to touch and squeeze..not a stick to break…
    She has a beautiful face and her talent get over it..for me, there’s nothing wrong to be a curvy girl..It’s not easy to have lumps..booties…and to be skinny at the same time!
    I’ts so lame..she is too thin..she is too fat..christina is that..christina is this..

    great article btw I love it

  2. Jeffrey says

    Every time I see her, she looks like she’s getting fatter. It doesn’t have to be that way. She certainly has the ability to go on a diet and loose some of that weight, but it’s going to take determination and will power. If and when she does, she will be healthier, more attractive, and feel better about herself.

  3. Jackson Powell says

    She is getting overweight and, as you said, this doesnt have anything to do with the way she sings. I would have to disagree with you on one point. I do think she cares and I thinks that she wears outfits that are not very flattering to her new (or older) body. Ok Christina we know you have big boobs, but you now also have a big belly, butt, arms and other body parts. Trying to flaunt her assets the way she does tends to show her flaws off even more. I dont think she looks FAT by any stretch, but she needs to dress a tad more elegant so her not so model like body isnt as exposed.

  4. Tracie says

    Great article! However, when you are a celebrity, you are subjected to more scrutiny than the average bear. They call them “stars” because they are supposed to be aspirational in every sense of the word. Nobody aspires to be fat, they just kind of embrace it or, in a lot of cases, settle for it. I think that being in shape is a part of your JOB as a pop star. If she wants to be fat, she should sing Opera. She doesn’t have to care about what anyone says, but she should expect that people are going to talk. You can’t go from being a toothpick to an oak tree and not raise eyebrows.

  5. says

    I don’t really think that Christina is so fat as everybody talks. In the penultimate photo she looks pretty well! Yes, she has some overweight, but the fact that she even doesn’t care about this – it’s awesome! I applaud for Christina.

  6. Fat Fighter says

    To say it’s been her voice, not her body, which has been her moneymaker is obviously wrong. She got the voice but she had the body to go with it and almost every time you read comments about her voice you also read “hot” “sexy” or “beautiful” in the same sentence. As per her not caring about being fat is her way to hide from the pain. Do you think she looks in the mirror and says that’s fine? Of course she would remember the days of Lady Marmalade and Dirty and wish they come back. But first it is the denial, then it is the resilience, then the admission will come and then she will lose those ugly kilos and she will come out saying how horrible it was being fat..

  7. john says

    Exactly rjp – when she was calling fat people names, she knew how much it hurt them. She’s trying not to get hurt by saying she doesn’t care. I’m hoping enough people would tell her she’s a fat pig, so she’ll finally ‘get hurt’ and realize what an awful kuntb!tch she was and be on the road to being a human being.

  8. Bert says

    I’m sick of all you chubby chasers calling skinny women sticks.
    You’re pathetic.
    I’ve been with hard bodied women who are really skinny but work out.
    They feel amazing not squishy and gross.
    I’d rather grab firm tits than saggy flat as a pillow when they lie on their back tits.

  9. Mike says

    No naomi, I think you’ll find she’s what us males call – a whale. She’s rotten to look at now. To think that back in the day, me and my friends used to be obsessed with that Dirty video. If I woke up beside someone that fat these days I’d be depressed as fu*k for a fortnight.

    PS Christina if there is even the tiniest chance you read this, do yourself a favour, get yourself back to the gym, 6-8 months and you’ll have that old rocking body back again. The gut may never completly go now, but at least the permanent pregnancy belly which you’re currently sporting will. You used to be so fine!!!

  10. btown says

    god dam she is a fat ass fucking pig… she was fuckable years ago, now she looks like shit.. her money isn’t worth her fat ass. she needs to drop 100 pounds.. puke..

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