Christina Aguilera has been having a pretty good couple of months. She got hot again, seemed to lose the stick up her ass for the latest season of The Voice, and managed to stop getting caught stumbling out of bars like a drunken floozy. All in all, she’s become a little less of a joke and a lot more likeable.
Now she has even rewarded herself with a big ol fancy diamond after deciding she was going to allow her boyfriend to become Mr. Aguilera. And on Valentine’s Day no less! How romantic. And cliché.Christina Aguilera used to be married to Jordan Bratman for a few years. She let him live in her big ass mansion, he in return gave her a baby so she could play the mommy card while having a built in caregiver 24/7 while she continued to live it up. It was a pretty mutually beneficial relationship for a while. Then Christina got bored of playing happy wife happy life and started ho-ing it up around town and packing on the booze bloat.
While filming the cinematic pile of crap that was Burlesque, Aguilera started banging one of the lowly production assistants, Matthew Rutler. She liked him enough that she went and actually divorced Bratman, eventually moving the boyfriend into the home she shared with her husband. Yes, the husband still lived in the house with Christina and the new boyfriend. Aguilera still needed someone to watch her son so she could tramp around time with her new beau.
Through thick and thin, literally, Rutler stayed by Aguilera’s side these last 3 years. For a while there, Christina was the conductor onboard the Hot Mess train and the unofficial spokeswoman for both drag queen chic and Spanx. Thankfully, she decided to finally switch to mixing her vodka with club soda and find a foundation color that more closely resembled human skin and not pumpkin. And with those changes, Aguilera had a good year in 2013. Her music finally started to sell again, people stopped laughing their asses off when she waddled on stage, and she realized how good of a money maker being on The Voice was and returned, happier and sweeter than she had ever been before.
So what else was left for Christina to do to cap off such a great year? Why, get married again of course! So, on the biggest Hallmark bullshit holiday of the year, she and Rutler got engaged. And Aguilera showed it off proudly on Twitter.
Okay, now we all know what kind of money a PA makes, and it certainly isn’t enough to afford a rock that size. I think it’s pretty safe to say she pulled a Jessica Simpson and bought that shit herself. Which I guess when you are the breadwinner and have the tastes of a gaudy hooker, it just makes more sense to do it that way.
The irony isn’t lost on anyone either that Aguilera got engaged not only on the most clichéd day of the year after Christmas, but on the same day her divorce to hubby number 1 was finalized 3 years earlier. How sweet.