Christie Brinkley is the original Uptown Girl and, like the song says, "she knows what she wants from her ti-yii-yiime." And that's a humiliatingly desperate public apology from her husband Peter Cook for poking a toystore girl.
Now that the real reason behind their split – Peter Cook had been boning 19-year-old Diana Bianchi behind Christie Brinkley's back – was revealed, Peter Cook has taken the unusual step of screaming about his undying love for Christie Brinkley from the pages of the New York Post. Any old fool can do that, though – if we were Christie Brinkley we'd settle for nothing less than a live televised hacksaw castration of Peter Cook while he's forced by midgets with cattle prods to sing I Can't Live If Living Is Without You a thousand times in a row. Then we'd maybe think about taking him back, before inevitably deciding that Billy Joel would probably be a better choice.
Normal divorce is a horrific thing to go through, and usually leaves both parties deeply questioning who they are. Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook don't have that problem, though – everyone knows who they are. Christie Brinkley is the old supermodel who used to sell home gym equipment with Chuck Norris, and Peter Cook is the man she was married who was secretly having it away with a young girl he met at a toyshop. See? No identity crisis there.
At first the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce was a usual celebrity divorce – nobody batted an eyelid because nobody really cared. Then the split got juicy with lots of talk of infidelity, and people started to get interested. By the time the girl who Peter Cook cheated on Christie Brinkley with, Diana Bianchi, had yammered to Entertainment Tonight about what a massive victim she was in the whole affair, the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook split was public property, so it's only fitting that the next chapter got played out in public, too.
Peter Cook has somehow decided that the best way to discreetly solve any marital problems that he might have with Christie Brinkley is to bellow about what a pillock he is from the inside of a newspaper with a circulation of more than half a million. Yeah, smart move Pete. Inside the New York Post, Peter Cook publicly pleads with Christie Brinkley:
"I love my wife. I have loved her since the day I met her. For a lifetime I've tried to prove how much I love her. This is an aberration. I'm sorry. I'm contrite. I'm stupid. Foolish. No excuse."
So, stupid contrite foolish Peter Cook thinks that banging a young girl is a legitimate method of proving your love to your wife, does he? We're looking forward to reading his forthcoming self-help manual Fucking Teenagers Because You Care. Peter Cook has also hired divorce lawyer Norman Sheresky, which shows how much faith he's got in this whole 'getting back with Christie Brinkley' thing, although Sheresky says:
"He hopes there's no divorce. if she wants one, and he certainly hopes this doesn't happen, but if – it will not be nasty. She can have whatever he wants… I personally think that Peter Cook is a terrific guy. he didn't invent adultery. He didn't invent the certain kind of person who would engage in it with him, either. He may, however, have invented the huge profuse unending heartrending apologies he is directing toward his wife."
Now that it's been cleaned up that Peter Cook invented apologies, and both he and Diana Bianchi have publicly aired their dirty washing, the world awaits Christie Brinkley's public outpouring. And she should, too – she'd build enough public support for Chuck Norris to want to start making those two-hour adverts for sit-up machines again, for sure.
[story by Stuart Heritage]