The Christie Brinkley divorce has been such a long time coming that we were starting to think there had been an amicable settlement or something equally horrific.

Thankfully, though, there hasn’t – and next week Christie Brinkley’s soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook will find out that revenge is a dish best served cold. In public. That gets as legally close to indelibly branding ‘I cheated on my wealthy former supermodel wife with a girl I met in a toystore’ across his big stupid head as possible.

And what’s more, the toystore girl in question – Diana Bianchi – is ready to truthfully testify if she’s called to the divorce court. But only if she’s called at certain times of the day – you won’t get a peep out of her if the testimony clashes with Teletubbies.