Chris Moyles Riding High In Stupid Listener Ratings
Then buzz it up
October 28th, 2005 at 11:30 by C J Davies
Want an encapsulation of the state of Modern Britain? Picture an ungodly collision between a Burberry factory and a Sunshine Variety Coach.
Alternatively you could simply take a look at the news that Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles - Jabba The Hutt’s fatter, more obnoxious half-brother - has been celebrating upon hearing the news that the audience for his piss-awful Breakfast Show has reached "record levels."
That’s right, folks. There really are that many idiots in the country.
Approximately 6.5 million mouth-breathing morons now slavishly tune in to Moyle’s Moronic Mumblings on Radio 1 every single morning. In the past year he has attracted more than 300,000 new listeners to the station - flailing his arms around like an attention-grabbing pleb-beacon and hauling in the undereducated masses to his (substantial) bosom.
In possibly the most inconsequential statistic of the year, Moyles’s upsurge in the ratings means that he has trounced hands-down fellow London Breakfast DJ Jamie Theakston and gurning fool Johnny Vaughan. We’d like to say something witty, perceptive or amusing about these three, but to be quite frank the very mention of their names has made us too suicidal to even bother.
Anyway. We’re off to the nuclear bunker now. Hopefully - by the time we re-emerge - that pie-munching abomination Moyles and his crew of shit-brained lackeys will have simply gone away.
Hopefully.
Read More:
Moyles Listeners Reach Record Level - Yahoo!
[story by C J Davies]
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November 3rd, 2005 at 7:11 pm
Totally Agree with you, anyone who thinks this man is funny needs their head testing.
Make sure you post on the attached url too
November 19th, 2005 at 1:21 am
God you are both such a couple of tossers - and very sad.
I know for a fact that you listen to him every day.
November 19th, 2005 at 11:26 pm
I tried to hate Chris Moyles…but really can’t. If you actually tune in and listen, he really is very funny (making the drive to work bearable, at least) and you really must be devoid of a sense of humour if you disagree.
I mean, you said yourself what else is there to listen to? Something a little more grown-up, a little cheerier, like good old Terry Wogan? Purlease, are you, like, 50? Chris and his team at least live in this century, and he’s a good old Northern soul which is rare in this land where we praise London and only London.
The most important thing to remember is that he is an ACT. His sarcasm is an act. His arrogance is an ACT. But suckers fall for it all the time, moaning about what a ‘big-head’ he is. He’s actually meant to be a really nice bloke.
November 20th, 2005 at 4:47 pm
he is soo funny dont dis the moyles
February 24th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
The only thing that is MORE moronic than Chris Moyles’ self-proclamation as the ’saviour’ of Radio 1 (just crucify the whole lot and start again, if you ask me) is the news slots on that radio station.
Oh. My. God.
Newsround on BBC1 is less child-like than the over-simplified, brainless, insultingly appalling drivel they come out with. And that’s actually MEANT to be for children.
I despair for the intelligence of our once great nation, I really do.
Note: So much has this bugged me that I did a Google search for “moronic radio1 news” and bingo - here I am. Thank God it’s not just me that feels this way.
February 24th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Oh yeah that’s right the reason I don’t find him funny is because it’s an act. The high-brow irony of his adopted persona just goes over my head. Thank god there’s people like you to explain these things for us. He’s vaguely amusing sometimes in a funny twat behind you in the pub kind of way. He has a sharp wit and thinks on his feet- I know plenty of people like that, and no, none of them have their own breakfast show on national radio before anyone tries to kill my argument pointing out the obvious.
He likes to think he’s one of those says what-you’re-thinking types, but there’s a reason people don’t say what they’re always thinking. Cos it sometimes makes you like an arsehole.
February 24th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
However I don’t agree that only idiots like him. That’s the thing which I admittedly can’t explain- I have friends whose tastes I respect greatly who swear by him.
March 8th, 2006 at 11:09 am
I agree totally with the article- Moyles is a witless tosser. He even pretends to like football now; like a face painted Engurland moron down the pub for the World Cup finals. It really is a pathetic indictment of Britain.
Peel is dead- Moyles is alive- Why?
April 30th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Im sorry but chris moyles is a bore,no witt whatso ever unless you think beltching and bullying count cannot wait for the day the day producer of radio one comes to his senses off with his head! give us all a break
September 1st, 2008 at 10:48 am
Yeah. Its purile stuff. I feel my IQ slipping by about 100. Its just dribbly and bombastic. The same 3 fluffy pop tracks playing aalllllll daaayyyyy long.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:49 am
What happened to the John Peels of the world. Funny, Intelligent, insightful radio? Radio about GOOD music, intelligent opinion and culture inspired content?