Want an encapsulation of the state of Modern Britain? Picture an ungodly collision between a Burberry factory and a Sunshine Variety Coach.
Alternatively you could simply take a look at the news that Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles – Jabba The Hutt’s fatter, more obnoxious half-brother – has been celebrating upon hearing the news that the audience for his piss-awful Breakfast Show has reached "record levels."
That’s right, folks. There really are that many idiots in the country.
Approximately 6.5 million mouth-breathing morons now slavishly tune in to Moyle’s Moronic Mumblings on Radio 1 every single morning. In the past year he has attracted more than 300,000 new listeners to the station – flailing his arms around like an attention-grabbing pleb-beacon and hauling in the undereducated masses to his (substantial) bosom.
In possibly the most inconsequential statistic of the year, Moyles’s upsurge in the ratings means that he has trounced hands-down fellow London Breakfast DJ Jamie Theakston and gurning fool Johnny Vaughan. We’d like to say something witty, perceptive or amusing about these three, but to be quite frank the very mention of their names has made us too suicidal to even bother.
Anyway. We’re off to the nuclear bunker now. Hopefully – by the time we re-emerge – that pie-munching abomination Moyles and his crew of shit-brained lackeys will have simply gone away.
Hopefully.
Read More:
Moyles Listeners Reach Record Level – Yahoo!
[story by C J Davies]
chris the idiot says
Totally Agree with you, anyone who thinks this man is funny needs their head testing.
Make sure you post on the attached url too
Ratzz says
God you are both such a couple of tossers – and very sad.
I know for a fact that you listen to him every day.
Burlington says
I tried to hate Chris Moyles…but really can’t. If you actually tune in and listen, he really is very funny (making the drive to work bearable, at least) and you really must be devoid of a sense of humour if you disagree.
I mean, you said yourself what else is there to listen to? Something a little more grown-up, a little cheerier, like good old Terry Wogan? Purlease, are you, like, 50? Chris and his team at least live in this century, and he’s a good old Northern soul which is rare in this land where we praise London and only London.
The most important thing to remember is that he is an ACT. His sarcasm is an act. His arrogance is an ACT. But suckers fall for it all the time, moaning about what a ‘big-head’ he is. He’s actually meant to be a really nice bloke.
jamesc says
he is soo funny dont dis the moyles
MarkyT says
The only thing that is MORE moronic than Chris Moyles’ self-proclamation as the ‘saviour’ of Radio 1 (just crucify the whole lot and start again, if you ask me) is the news slots on that radio station.
Oh. My. God.
Newsround on BBC1 is less child-like than the over-simplified, brainless, insultingly appalling drivel they come out with. And that’s actually MEANT to be for children.
I despair for the intelligence of our once great nation, I really do.
Note: So much has this bugged me that I did a Google search for “moronic radio1 news” and bingo – here I am. Thank God it’s not just me that feels this way.
Si says
Oh yeah that’s right the reason I don’t find him funny is because it’s an act. The high-brow irony of his adopted persona just goes over my head. Thank god there’s people like you to explain these things for us. He’s vaguely amusing sometimes in a funny twat behind you in the pub kind of way. He has a sharp wit and thinks on his feet- I know plenty of people like that, and no, none of them have their own breakfast show on national radio before anyone tries to kill my argument pointing out the obvious.
He likes to think he’s one of those says what-you’re-thinking types, but there’s a reason people don’t say what they’re always thinking. Cos it sometimes makes you like an arsehole.
Si says
However I don’t agree that only idiots like him. That’s the thing which I admittedly can’t explain- I have friends whose tastes I respect greatly who swear by him.
Alfie K says
I agree totally with the article- Moyles is a witless tosser. He even pretends to like football now; like a face painted Engurland moron down the pub for the World Cup finals. It really is a pathetic indictment of Britain.
Peel is dead- Moyles is alive- Why?
lolou says
Im sorry but chris moyles is a bore,no witt whatso ever unless you think beltching and bullying count cannot wait for the day the day producer of radio one comes to his senses off with his head! give us all a break
Longjohngal says
Yeah. Its purile stuff. I feel my IQ slipping by about 100. Its just dribbly and bombastic. The same 3 fluffy pop tracks playing aalllllll daaayyyyy long.
Longjohngal says
What happened to the John Peels of the world. Funny, Intelligent, insightful radio? Radio about GOOD music, intelligent opinion and culture inspired content?
jinxie says
Hes a blithering, dribbly, talentless, vacuous fool. I feel my brain melting out of my orifices, when I listen to him.
Representing the normal people in britian says
Is the guy who wrote this retarded at all?
slow?
idiotic?
morbid?
have no sense of humour?
GET A LIFE AND QUIT COMPLAINING
DONT LIKE IT. DONT LISTEN TO IT THEN FAGGOT.
No one wants to hear you p m s about radio ones chris moyles. fucking idiotic scum.
mizdislikesthehaters says
Thank god ‘representing the normal people of britain.’ You are absoulotely right. Dont like Morles dont listen to im DUMBO’S.
I have respect for those who give respect. The sadperson who wrote the ‘I hate chris moyles’ needs to get a life and alota respect. He’s doing a great thing now climbing kilamanjaro and losing weight for Children in need. I sure hope YOU are doing something other than slagging others off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Delusionary says
Funny how those who support this talentless half wit are either insulting and bully-like (like the idiot) or talking in text speak (txt.spk to the iq-the-same-as-your-shoe-size followers) … confirming the comments about just how base our country is becoming (or has become???)
This talentless fool should retire back to whence he came. The only reason this moron has shuch a high following is that R1 is one of the few ‘national’ radio stations that play modern, popular music. I’m too lazy to return my radio when I move from county to county in my car … and I quite like comedy Dave and Dom …