Chris Brown may have shocked the world by violently attacking Rihanna in the face while threatening to kill her.
But it’s not all bad news. For instance, if Chris Brown hadn’t bludgeoned Rihanna’s face into an unrecognisable pulp, then who’d be clearing weeds from the Virginia Police Department’s stables at the moment? What? Some other convicted criminal? One who wouldn’t need all the extra security guards that Chris Brown currently requires?
Oh, that’s actually quite a good point. Still, the horses are bound to react more kindly to Chris Brown, aren’t they? They’ve got the same size teeth, you see.
As part of his punishment for attacking Rihanna in February, Chris Brown has to complete six months of community work – and we’re convinced that it’s absolutely the best thing for him at the moment. Why? Glad you asked. Here’s why…
1 – If Chris Brown is out clearing weeds from police stables, then that’s time he can’t spend dressing up in a ludicrous bowtie and blurting out a succession of legitimately stupid soundbites about the attack on television.
2 – Manual labour will help to build up Chris Brown’s upper body strength, ensuring that his next girlfriend will stay quiet when he invariably flies into a terrifying rage and decides to smash her face in.
3 – The alternative to community service was to send Chris Brown to jail. And in jail, rather than helping to improve the area that he was brought up in, Chris Brown would have ended up being bummed into smithereens by a boss-eyed arsonist with obvious mental health problems.
Alright, in retrospect the third option actually makes us wish that Chris Brown did go to jail a bit, but that doesn’t matter. Chris Brown was sentenced to community service, so community service is what he’s doing. BBC News reports:
Singer Chris Brown has started a community service order in the US as punishment for assaulting former girlfriend Rihanna. Dressed in an orange work vest, the 20-year-old helped clear weeds and rubbish from police horse stables. It is understood the singer will perform different types of manual labour over the next 180 days, but police will not reveal the location of the work.
We’re not sure how Chris Brown is coping with the community service – especially how he’s managing to maintain a base level of self-esteem without his boggle-eyed hype man screaming “BELEEY DAT!” after every single one of his words or actions. But video has been released of Chris Brown’s community service, and it looks like he’s actually having quite a fun time…
Energetic young man, isn’t he? We wonder what Chris Brown could have possibly done in recent months to give him the strength and ability to attack those weeds with such unrelenting vigour.
Oh yeah, that. Whoops.