Right now Chris Brown is about as popular as a dose of bacterial vaginosis, but at least he’s got a game plan.

And that’s anger management. To improve his standing with his fans and the courts, Chris Brown has decided to try anger management like in that Adam Sandler film, Spanglish.

Nice idea, but Chris Brown is completely wasting his time. At the moment Chris Brown’s stock is so low that burning down a nursing home and throwing a dog in a skip would probably make him look better to his fans. Cheaper than anger management, too. Um, we heard.

Despite the fact that his career is probably over thanks to his alleged attack on Rihanna’s face earlier this month, it’s good to see that Chris Brown has managed to get himself a copy of the Celebrity Damage Limitation Handbook.

Everyone from Mel Gibson to Isaiah Washington has used the handbook in the past, and now it looks as if Chris Brown is going to follow the formula as well. It’s not a hard one to pick up – first you apologise, then you go to rehab, and then you apologise again, properly this time and to Al Sharpton where possible.

Chris Brown has already got the first part nailed – even weaving a soggy-eyed plea for forgiveness from God into his apology – and now it’s time for part two, which is why Chris Brown is headed for anger management classes. The New York Daily News reports:

According to a source, Brown opted for anger management at the behest of his spin doctor, Michael Sitrick. “Chris doesn’t actually have to go by law,” our insider tells us, “but he believes it will make him look better to the public, and he wants to try to get in a few classes before March 5,” his court date.

Now we’ve never been to anger management before, but we’d imagine that Chris Brown’s treatment will involve being presented with an uncooked turkey that’s got a woman’s face drawn on it in marker pen and seeing how long it takes before he starts punching it and crying and running away. Allegedly.

But anyway, that’s part one and part two of the handbook taken care of – so on to part three. Apologise agai… wait a minute! Chris Brown’s invented his own part three! And it involves convincing your friends to tell the press that Rihanna deserved it. Oh, this can’t be helpful. Back to the NYDN:

“Rihanna is temperamental, too,” says our snitch. “They’re both too hot-headed for their own good.” Adds another source: “It didn’t help that Rihanna grabbed the keys out of his rented Lamborghini and threw them down the street. She knew it would really infuriate Chris, and it worked.”

We’ll have to see if this anger management tactic works when Chris Brown goes to court next month. In the meantime, let’s all play a game of ‘count how many commenters defend Chris Brown even though he’s apologised for the incident and there’s a picture of Rihanna’s smashed-in face on the internet and now he’s seeking treatment to make him less angry.’ Our guess – 12.

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