There are plenty of ways to send Christians into a froth-mouthed rage, but artist Cosimo Cavallaro seems to have struck upon an intriguingly brand new one – he's made a life-sized chocolate statue of Jesus being crucified with his balls out.
Cavallaro's chocolate Jesus statue – titled My Sweet Lord – was all set to be exhibited at the Lab Gallery in New York this week, but after a flurry of outrage from high-ranking Catholics, seemingly furious that an artist has insinuated that Jesus had normal genitalia, the chocolate Jesus show has been cancelled. It's undoubtedly a disappointment for Cosimo Cavallaro, though, who didn't even have time to pump the chocolate Jesus full of Cadbury's Creme Egg filling so that delicious fondant squirted out of his crucifixion wounds.
Despite being dead for a few thousand years, Jesus is still in high demand with rubbish Jesus films being made all the time, rappers dressing as Jesus for magazines, old ladies copying Jesus for cash and movie directors digging up all sorts of Jesus coffins whenever the mood takes them. But Christians don't seem to appreciate all this Jesus talk, and routinely appear to garble outraged soundbites whenever anything like this happens. Sometimes the outrage is reasonable – when Tom Cruise was compared to Jesus, for example – and sometimes it makes them look slightly foolish, like when they tried to sue The Da Vinci Code. But nothing has polarised opinion more that Cosimo Cavallaro's chocolate Jesus.
Up until now, the only person famous enough to warrant a life-sized chocolate statue was Elton John, but he's been superseded by Jesus, who is slightly more famous despite not having written Honky Cat. We're taking a wild stab in the dark here, but we're guessing that by making a chocolate statue of Jesus being crucified, Cosimo Cavallaro was making a sincere statement about how the various religious aspects of the Easter holidays have been steadily eroded by chocolate egg-led materialism in recent years. In hindsight, however, Cosimo would have probably got his point across better if he hadn't stuck a big cock on the front of the Jesus statue, because it's caused something of a shitstorm that's resulted in the exhibition being cancelled. ABC reports:
A planned Holy Week exhibition of a nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ was canceled Friday after Cardinal Edward Egan and other outraged Catholics complained. The "My Sweet Lord" display was shut down by the hotel that houses the Lab Gallery in midtown Manhattan. Roger Smith Hotel president James Knowles cited the public outcry for his decision… But word of the confectionary Christ infuriated Catholics, including Egan, who described it as "a sickening display." Bill Donohue, head of the watchdog Catholic League, said it was "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever."
As a protest about the cancellation of the chocolate Jesus exhibition, the creative director of the Lab gallery has resigned in protest as what he sees as a "strong-arming" by people jumping to conclusions about an artwork they've never seen, including several distinctly unchristian death threats against gallery workers and Cavallaro.
But perhaps it isn't the chocolate Jesus' penis that's causing so much outrage – after all, that's a problem that you can fix with a hairdryer – but the material of the statue. Jesus wasn't made of chocolate in real life, you see; we've been to a Catholic church and so we know that Jesus was a giant walking loaf of bread with booze for blood. In the name of Easter, we hope that the angry Catholics and Cosimo Cavallaro can put their differences aside and create a compromise; one that keeps fans of both chocolate Jesus and bread Jesus happy. Perhaps a statue of Jesus made of a pain au chocolat or a big Nutella sandwich.
Read more:
Outcry Cancels Chocolate Jesus Show – ABC
alan sharpe says
Wow how brave of you to mock Christianity like this – I can’t wait for your (and the gallery and artists) depiction of Mohammed…..
Strange of the trashing of peoples beliefs is such and American pastime……
trace says
couldn’t just walk by without adding
Chocolate Jesus by Tom Waits
Dont go to church on sunday
Dont get on my knees to pray
Dont memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way
Bit I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lees candy store
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied
Well I dont want no anna zabba
Dont want no almond joy
There aint nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well its the only thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold
See only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul
(solo)
When the weather gets rough
And its whiskey in the shade
Its best to wrap your savior
Up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
But thats ok
Pour him over ice cream
For a nice parfait
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied
Eric says
To reiterate Alan’s comment it is no longer shocking to insult Christians, just repugnant and even a bit cowardly. Cowardly because the so-called artists all know there will be no repercussions for their offenses and plenty of applause for them from the Lefties. If these “brave” artists really wanted to shock and offend let’s see a pork Muhammad.
Larry C.Miller says
You are SICK!…You’re the weirdos….
Ky Christensen says
Great artical. As to eric and allen what offences??? I find it ironic moronic and pathetic that you’re only reaction is to attack another religion yes we could have a “pork muhammad” how about a lettuce buddah as well we could group them together and call it dinner with the Gods. Get over yourselfs the fact that you could find this offencive shows just how childish christians are
B Rock says
I LOVE this article and the rather offended responses from our fellow Catholics. C’mon people, do we really need to be so offended by the rather unique message of materialism that is the Easter holiday? It’s art – you don’t have to go see the exhibit.
“Ohh woe is us for having been maligned by vicious leftist media!”
Really?
How about we open our minds a bit – I bet Jesus would have. Just read your half heart WWJD necklaces – Jesus taught compassion and understanding. He was a pretty open minded and progressive guy at that time. I don’t remember him taking offense to anything – except the materialism at the synegogue… hmmmm…
Chocolate Easter bunnies anyone?
Adam Gade says
Uh, guys, chill out. It’s not like he’s recanting how he raped a woman dressed as Mary in this article. I’m a Christian (sort of) and thought, like all h’spray material, that this is top flight humor on a rather wierd subject to begin with.
pete costas says
Eric hit the nail on the head. My thoughts exactly
pete costas says
hey stuart, are you this biased in all of your writings or only when there are no consequences? Have you gone out of your way to offend the Muslim or Jew lately? Can you put together a factual dissertation on the world’s major religions and come off looking like an intelligent journalist rather than a punk? thought so
James says
Can any of you wonky nut jobs actually begin to describe what the actual offence was by the “art work”? No? Thought not. And the writer is pretty non-biased if you ask me. Nobody is safe from a little ribbing on this site. I find it rather petty that some people can’t take that.
Sad.
Roy Le Pre says
(H)ecklerspray once again demonstrates sharpness akin to that felt by the human body when a shark’s tooth sinks into a fleshy buttock. The proverbial buttocks are regrettably those lamentable members of society, moaning at this harmless, humorous, non-biased article, who cannot put up with a challenge to their beliefs.
That hecklerspray has chosen to depict the choccy Christ in a humorous fashion should not offend anybody claiming to have even a modicum of faith in them. To such individuals as some of those above, the response can only be this : would they feel secure in their own faith if a pork Mohammed was to be produced? Is chocolate offensive to the Christian as pork is to the Moslem? And, if so, what possible freedom of speech can hecklerspray claim to have propounded, if any, by depicting Mohammed as such? The aim of the article, eric sharpe, Alan and pete costas, is to examine the possible reason behind producing such an outlandish structure! Read the article, O nutlings!
Lastly, and most insignificantly, hecklerspray is a British satirical publication, and is, as such, intrinsically prone to satire. Let others bear this in mind before challenging others to a “dissertation on the world’s major religions” ! Indeed.
How bloody daft can a person get.
Tenzil says
Things I learnt by reading the comments of Hecklerspray today:
You’re only allowed to write articles laughing at Catholics for being reactionary, humourless prats if you also slip in a couple of things that Jews and Muslims find highly offensive. For some reason, though, you don’t have to insult Hindus or Buddhists as well, just in case anyone at Hecklerspray decided to revise the article with a few jokes about Ganessha the Elephant God or something.
johnner says
Sacriligeous and delicious!
Susan Fitzgerald says
Ky……try spellcheck!
Michael O. Maloney says
I just wanted to say thanks for the funniest news article I’ve read in years,but I was of couse, an athiest for about 25 years…I actually saw it about four days after posting.just need a copy.I’ll definately put you folks in my browser..