Crikey, is there anything that Cheryl Cole or Cheryl Tweedy can't do? Let's rewind selecta for a brief moment and look back at her amazingly long lived career as a pop star.
Now Cheryl wasn?t always the nation?s sweetheart. In fact when she was a fresh-faced teen without a serial shagging vomiting husband, she bagged a spot in Girls Aloud.
Cheryl has since gone on to tell deluded people how crap they are at singing, sell us all make-up by telling us that we're worth it and confuse Heat magazine readers with her post-divorce love life. Now Cheryl?s CV is expanding with the news that she's set to cameo in The Beano this summer. Who knows, next she could be styling the homeless when The Big Issue lets her guest edit.
Perhaps we shouldn?t judge Cheryl Cole. The way things are going, it seems that the Geordie lass is slowly taking over the world. Perhaps the entire North-East region will soon cut itself off from the rest of the world by constructing a wall made out of Brown Ale bottles and stale stotties. Queen Cheryl Cole will then instruct her followers to mine for coal in order to erect a 50-foot statue of Sting grabbing Paul Gascoigne?s ball sack.
The weirdest thing about this is that Cheryl Cole isn't making an appearance in the Bero recipe book. Before you call us a bunch of sexist morons who only see ladies as creatures designed to microwave us frozen lasagnes, we do have a point. These days, celebrity chefs create recipes that take five days to prepare and cook. Using her simple charm, Cheryl could reinvent the way we make boiled eggs and cheese on toast. Well, teenage boys would suddenly be interested if she posed for accompanying pictures featuring a few grapes sellotaped over her tits for the fruit salad.
Thinking about it, The Beano has a lot in common with grown-up magazines like Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping and Glamour. The Beano has an emphasis on colourful drawings with a few jokes thrown in, but women?s magazines are exactly the same. Well, they’re triple the price and instead of hand-drawn comic strips, they feature silly amounts of overpriced adverts featuring designer items.
So what is Cheryl Cole doing in The Beano? Learning The Queen?s English in Bash Street School? Or teaming up with Dennis The Menace to bunk off school? Metro clarifies events by reporting:
?Minnie The Minx will be meeting Cheryl and Wayne Rooney in a run of stories which will coincide with the school summer holidays.?
Wayne Rooney as well! Bloody hell, the guest appearances simply get better! Based on England being utterly gash in the soccerball tournament, it would extremely fitting if Cheryl Cole and Minnie The Minx spent the entire time shouting multiple swearwords at Rooney while kicking footballs at him extremely hard.
Or, Cheryl Cole could adopt a Jekyll and Hyde persona by transforming into her alter ego Cheryl Tweedy to show Wayne and Minnie how to commit an assault on a toilet attendant and get away with it.
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Robbie says
you are such a bastard, mathhew laidlow.