Well, it looks like Cheryl's definition of 'temporary' might be 'until the end of time itself' because it's emerged that she's been having talks with a divorce lawyer, and stands to earn around £4 million if she does get divorced from Ashley Cole.
Four million quid. Factor in the thousands of 'Cheryl's heartbreak' magazine deals she'll sign and the new sad ghostwritten autobiography she'll write, and it's starting to look like letting her husband have all sorts of drunken vomit-sex with slappers was the best thing Cheryl Cole ever did.
It looks like Ashley Cole has dug quite a hole for himself. And considering that he dug the hole with his penis, and was so drunk when he was digging it that he kept throwing up over himself, you can't help but admire the guy's tenacity.
If you haven't been following the Cheryl Cole/ Ashley Cole drama – because, say, you've got a life of your own and you can't see the point in worrying about the lives of two people you don't even know, let alone like – then here's a quick recap.
Cheryl Cole is the mouthy one in a pop group who attacks nightclub toilet attendants. Ashley Cole is a footballer who isn't quite as good as he thinks he is. Cheryl and Ashley get married. Ashley Cole starts having unprotected sex with other girls and occasionally vomits on them. Cheryl Cole finds out and keeps quiet. The newspapers find out. Cheryl Cole sticks by Ashley. The newspapers print a load more stories about all the other slappers that Ashley's banged. Cheryl Cole leaves Ashley Cole, but only for a while because she loves him.
Better? OK – so where are we now? Well, Cheryl Cole reportedly hasn't eaten for a week – which is twice as much as she eats when she's on Girls Aloud duties, the fat mare – and newspapers are apparently lining up a billion other kiss and tell stories from women who've additionally got on the wrong side of Ashley Cole's penis.
Oh, and Cheryl Cole's called a divorce lawyer in. The Sun reports:
Cheryl has taken legal advice after the Chelsea star’s romps were revealed last week by The Sun. Girls Aloud singer Cheryl, 24, now accepts Cole, who is worth £10million, betrayed her – after at first defending him from the shock revelations. A well-placed source said: "She knows he has slept with other girls. That is no longer in question and she won’t be pretending he is innocent again. I can’t see her taking him back. He’s begging like a dog – and that is how she sees him. She has taken advice on divorce and it is now a very viable option. She’d be looking at about £4million."
Imagine that, a Cheryl Cole/ Ashley Cole divorce – it'd be just like the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce, only with a fraction of the money involved, infinitely less famous people and fewer amusing instances of women going onto breakfast TV to see how stupidly they can shriek the word 'paedophile.' Plus it shouldn't be all that contested because it looks like Ashley Cole's infidelities are irrefutable.
Still, we shouldn't make light of this news, because divorce is a stressful thing to go through no matter who you are, and Cheryl Cole will need to find all sorts of new ways to take her mind off it. One way she could do this is by throwing herself into work, although let's just pray for humanity's sake that that doesn't happen.