When most people redecorate their homes, they'll just bung down any old tatty carpet and the cheapest Ikea sofa they can find, but not Cher. To redecorate her home, Cher first has to sell off 700 bits of old tat just to make room.
That's right – you can be the proud owner of any number of crazy old crap that Cher used to own. Cher is auctioning off more than one million dollars worth of her belongings, like her bed, some of her near-pornographic stage costumes and a 500-year-old Jesus. The Cher auction looks to be the place to pick up the perfect Christmas present for the creepy homosexual or bitter red-eyed divorcee in your life.
Cher's been keeping herself to herself lately – apart from another traditional retirement announcement, or course. But it's generally agreed that a semi-reclusive Cher is preferable to seeing an old woman mong about a stage singing songs 20 years too young for her while wearing a scrap of lycra that barely covers her labia. After all, we've got Madonna for that now.
However, Cher is finally poking her head out into the public eye again to announce that she's going to auction off 700 items of her belongings in October. Between Sotheby's and Julien's Auctions, Cher is going to almost empty her big house of possessions so that she can start all over again, as she told The Associated Press:
"When I got off the road, something happened and I said, `You know, I think it's time to do something different,' but my house is so full that there's no way to do something different unless I totally change it… I have loved everything I ever bought. I have loved them and kept them for all these years and now it's time for them to go on."
That means that Cher is going to get rid of all her neo-Gothic art and furniture, including beds, tables and chandeliers. But anyone wanting to own some genuinely iconic memorabilia can head for the 200 items of clothing that Cher is auctioning off too, like a gown she wore to the Oscars and costumes for The Sonny And Cher Comedy Hour. Other items up for auction – of which a percentage will go to charity – will be Cher's handmade jewellery, although we can't imagine why anyone would want that.
We know what you're thinking – if Cher is selling off all her old stuff so that she redecorate her house, then in what style will the house be redecorated? Duh – a mixture of Moroccan and Tibetan, obviously. Luckily, Cher has described the new plans:
"It sounds crazy, but I'm going to try to mix a whole bunch of cultures together."
Sounds to us like we can expect another auction at the start of next year as Cher realises what a total mess her house looks like covered in all that Moroccan and Tibetan crap.
[story by Stuart Heritage]