Pop music has produced some tripe over the years. Some of our most loathed acts include The Venga Boys, Westlife, McFly, Busted, Five, Take That, Steps and anything from shows like X Factor, Fame Academy, Pop Off, Manufactured Toss Idol, We’ll Only Be Famous For A Minute Academy and so on.
But of course there’s always one act that rises above the rest to claim the title of planet Earth's most annoying band/ act/ thing. It's everyone’s unfavourite pop duo The Cheeky Girls. After pissing off most of the country with some obnoxious song about not being shy and touching their arse, The Cheeky Girls thankfully faded back in to obscurity, despite desperately trying to claw back some fame by making a few appearances on rubbish TV shows. Sadly The Cheeky Girls are back in the limelight, and in the middle of a hot political scandal. Did we say 'hot political scandal'? We meant 'the greatest love story of our generation'.
Ok, we kind of lied. It’s not a political scandal to the extent that the major governments of the world have called a global convention to discuss the destruction of the Cheeky Girls. Instead, you know the deal; one half of the duo – Gabriela – was in hot water after the imminent expiration her visa, meant she was set to be deported back to Romania, her native country, to torture her own people with her listless honking.
Fine by us. We lose a rubbish singer and Romania gains, um, something. Luckily Gabriela mentioned her dreadful plight to her new boyfriend, who just happens to be Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik, and conveniently, The Cheeky Girls can now stay in the country singing about their arses forever. But, y'know, doesn't this mean that Lembit Opik was kind of abusing his parliamentary position?
From a bloke who was seeing weather presenter Sian Lloyd, it seems rather strange that Lembit Opik has gone for one of the Cheeky Girls. Beggars can’t be choosers we guess. Lembit and his bit of stuff both say their relationship is genuine, despite the scary 17-year age difference, wildly different career paths and convenient timing of their relationship. And it looks like it must be love, because Lembit Opik isn't going to get in any trouble over the visa thing, as the BBC reports:
On Thursday, Mr Opik told the BBC that he had asked [immigration minister] Mr Byrne for advice on the issue and the minister had told him to pass it on to Miss Irimia's MP Michael Foster (Lab, Hastings and Rye) which he said he did by telephoning his office. "I simply told Liam Byrne in the House of Commons what I had done and thanked him for his advice," said Mr Opik."I did not discuss the details of the case with him but simply told him I had taken his advice and passed the issue on to Gabriela's local MP."… The MP said he and Ms Lloyd had separated "some time ago" and it was "no secret" that he was seeing Miss Irimia. The singer in turn has said their relationship is "genuine" and "not out of a pantomime".
Oh no it isn't! Oh yes it is! Well whatever, here at hecklerspray we don’t want to see a pair of lovebirds cruelly split up over some tiny issue of her being an illegal citizen or something. So we’ve come up with the perfect solution. Both Lembit and Gabriela can simply move to the singer’s native country of Romania. They’ll both be together and we’re sure Lembit can work from home or something. People do that these days. Anyway, it’s not like he’s in the main political party. And we lose another crap pop act which has plagued this country for too long. Imagine that – the Cheeky Girls gone for good!
Now, if we can just try and kick Ray Quinn out on a technicality too…