The Church is no stranger to a scandal or two. For years, Church has been embroiled in many faux-scandals covering under-age drinking, messing with scallys’ little pea-brains and of course, disputes over money.
Naturally, we are referring to Charlotte Church, and not the Archbishop of Cantaloupe.
Charlotte Church has gone off on one. Again. You see, if you wait just long enough, you can guarantee some kind of autistic venom from the Welsh wunderkind. She’s ‘back’ and means business. The pop business to be precise.
Charlotte Church (CDs), with her bouncing lungs and grotesque wealth, has just
about slagged anyone and everyone off that her dreadful little mind can
think of. The first of Charlotte’s homing missiles found Shayne
Ward, winner of TV karaoke machine X Factor:
"You’d think they could have come up with a half decent song – they give him cack to sing".
Ms Pot. Meet Mr Kettle. Anyhoo, Charlotte wasn’t finished there. No way. When asked about the Brit Awards, which – let’s be honest – everyone hates, Charlotte went all vitriolic:
"I find Coldplay depressing. It’s a bit on the melodramatic side…
Craig David’s gone a bit middle of the road. It’s a bit Elton John. Arctic Monkeys? Wouldn’t know them if I fell over them, and Dizzee
Rascal is a bit much for me. He sounds like a boy on the brink of
puberty".
Charlotte Church – for all the world sounding like a girl who has caned too
many E numbers – can giddily rant on against pop, and no doubt feels
justified since her Liam Gallagher endorsement (that endorsement in full: he said she was "alright"). Now that Charlotte has been introduced to a guitar or two
with her latest LP Tissues And Issues, it seem that she has taken the
mantle of becoming some kind of ‘serious musician’. That said, at least
she smokes and gets drunk.
It may be worth noting that Charlotte has got a single coming out
soon, and that this tirade was in no way related to that fact. None at
all. Whatsoever.
Now that she has covered the easy target of pop musicians, she’ll be
gunning for others. Keep an eye on hecklerspray as we keep you
up-to-tabs on Charlotte’s rants against ‘people smacking chimps about’,
‘robbing off yer nana ain’t on is it?’ and, no doubt, ‘Jesus Christ?
Bloody charlatan him! I don’t like all them religion types…’
Hwyl hurtyns!
Read more:
Songs according to Church – Megastar
[story by Mof Gimmers]
mac says
Ha-ha. She really amuses me. Way to go, Charlotte.
Greg says
I like her big juicy melons
harkadahl says
Silly girl. Grating voice. Bad songs.
macy says
c’mon charlotte? why?