Charlotte Church turned 21 last week, and she celebrated it with the time-honoured Welsh tradition of possibly letting a fake-tanned rugby chickboy knock her up – according to reports, Charlotte Church is either pregnant or not pregnant.
Why does everyone think that Charlotte Church is pregnant? Simple really – Charlotte Church didn't mark her 21st birthday by downing a million alcopops, lurching out of a nightclub at 3am, showing her knickers to the paparazzi, starting a fight with a kebab shop and slurring selected verses of Crazy Chick while laying face down in a puddle of her own liquids like she usually does. So, all said, yes – Charlotte Church probably is pregnant.
It's a good time to be a TV viewer. Between Sky Plus and Video On Demand you can be sure that there's always going to be something good on TV – and that means never having to watch The Charlotte Church Show again. Because – face it – the thought of watching a young girl invite celebrities onto her chat show and then completely ignore them in order to yelp a number of interminable anecdotes about how she once met Bill Clinton is so vastly unappealing that even Charlotte Church thinks it's rubbish, let alone Shirley Bassey. But what do we know – there's a second series of The Charlotte Church Show on TV as we speak, although not for long if reports are to be believed.
There's a chance that Charlotte Church is pregnant, you see. Granted, the only evidence for this is that Charlotte Church has given up smoking again and spent her 21st birthday party quietly celebrating with family rather than doing something a bit more Charlotte Church-y and mainlining eight gallons of WKD, blearily staggering through the streets of Cardiff slagging off Pavarotti and everyone else before projectile-vomiting a jet of 43% proof puke into a policeman's eye from 20 paces, but a rumour is a rumour. Female First reports:
Charlotte Church has sparked rumours she is pregnant after she abstained from alcohol at her 21st birthday party. The singer stayed sober as she celebrated the landmark occasion with close family and friends on Wednesday (21.02.07), fuelling speculation she is expecting. Charlotte is said to have cancelled a big bash at Cardiff's Hilton hotel, choosing instead to have the intimate gathering at her home. She has also given up smoking and friends claim she has put on weight, despite being on a diet.
Well, to be fair Charlotte Church Pregnant does make for a better headline than Charlotte Church Fat And Sober. Of course, there's every chance that Charlotte Church isn't pregnant – these pregnancy reports are notoriously unreliable, as Kate Moss, Liz Hurley and Victoria Beckham can attest – but let's just say that she is.
The most obvious advantage of Charlotte Church's pregnancy would be that she'd swell up so much that filming The Charlotte Church Show would have to end – unless Charlotte's producers pull a disappointing Marcia Cross bed-filming stunt – but there are downsides to the pregnancy as well. For example, the Church household would have to learn to put up with a chubby red incontinent creature constantly spending every waking minute screaming for attention at an ear-shredding volume. But we're sure the baby would get used to Charlotte Church pretty quickly.
We crack ourselves up sometimes, we really do.