Charlie Sheen VS Rihanna: Battle Of The Hot Messes

Charlie Sheen vs RihannaMe thinks Charlie Sheen may be back on some of that crack shit, because he is up to his old tricks of fighting random ass people on the interwebz.? Though considering his pending wedding to his “former” porn star girlfriend is still on, it may not really be the crack to blame for Sheen’s poor decisions.

Seems Sheen felt slighted the other night after being in the same restaurant as Rihanna, and has made it publicly known that he’s pissed off by it.? Of course, Rihanna just had to poke at the damn hornets nest, and now it’s blowing up.

On Wednesday night, Charlie Sheen decided to take his #1 ho for hire out to dinner at a fancy schmancy Italian restaurant.? Something in that pomodoro sauce must hit the right stop for the mentally unstable, because Rihanna was also there that evening.? Sheen’s fianc?, Brett Rossi is a huge apparently (because what bitch who takes off her clothes for money doesn’t appreciate a bitch who is anti bras and panties herself).? So instead of doing the typical commoner response of running over to RiRi yelling, “OMG RIHANNA GIRL I LOVE YOU!” Charlie had his people talk to her people about a meet up after meals.

Rihanna must not have smoked enough pot that day, because she was not feeling huggable, and declined the invite.? I guess porn stars and washed up actors don’t meet the requirements Rihanna has for mustering up the energy to pretend to like you when not being paid.? This, of course, set Charlie Sheen off because, well, he’s Charlie Fucking Sheen.? And he took to Twitter to let the whole world know his feelings since that’s really all Twitter is good for.

He used way more than 140 characters, so if you don’t feel like wading through the jungle of insanity that is a Charlie Sheen original poem, let me highlight the best lines.

“well, the word we received back was that there were too
many paps outside and it just wasn’t possible at this time.”

“no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and
“please kill me now”
that I’d never get back.”

“Sorry we’re not KOOL enough
to warrant a blessing from
the Princess.
(or in this case
the Village idiot)”

“oh and Riahnna,
Halloween isn’t for a while.
but good on you for testing out your costume in public.”

“Here’s a tip from a real vet
of this terrain;
If ya don’t wanna get bothered

It’s one poorly written jab after another.

Rihanna doesn’t seem to know better than to fuck with crazy people, or being that he displays crazy tendencies herself, she thought it was time for battle of the wits.? In response to this rant,? Ri changed her Twitter background to a 6th grade level Photoshopped picture of her and Charlie meeting.? I am pretty sure she put Sheen’s head on that of a woman who obviously dresses at the clearance rack of Dress Barn.? She also threw this Tweet out:

Now, to be honest, I was expecting more from Rihanna on that.? Queen?? Really?? Charlie is a lot of things, but a fabulous gay man he is not.? I definitely thought Rihanna could have gotten grimier with her rebuttal.

Sheen responded to TMZ, again in his freestyle poem format, and had this to say:

“Dear Ms. Rihan-
oh wait, no last name,
Okay, Dear R –
clearly English is NOT
your primary language.

Firstly I want to thank you for recognizing me as Royalty. I’m flattered.
And secondly;
do the good Queen a favor and go tend to the dungeon in my Castle.
But beware of the
rats and the snakes.
They stir with folly
awaiting your tepid advance,
in the shadows…”

later Doosh!

Well now, what’s your next move Rihanna?? Also, the irony of Charlie judging someone else’s English is not lost on pretty much anyone, I think. Glass houses, Sheen.? Glasses meth houses.