Chandelier-hater, Charlie Sheen is going on a bender that could well match John Lennon’s three year ‘lost weekend’. The Beatle sellotaped tampons to his head and had month-long hangovers… but Sheen is hot on his heels with some most excellent debauchery.
Of course, the last we heard of Charlie was when he was holed-up in a hotel room, smashing the absolute crap out of everything while a porn actress cried, hiding in a laundry basket… while his wife was across the hall.
Naturally, everyone ‘worried’ for Sheen and muttered stuff about him going off the rails, while secretly being really jealous of all the fun he was clearly having. And it doesn’t appear that his quest for debasement has let up as Charlie Sheen continues to live the life of a particularly mad, randy king.
Initially, our Charlie was seen at The Palms hotel in Vegas, racking up loads of vodka which he promptly knocked back down his cackling gob. Everyone probably showed “deep concern” for his well-being while taking pictures of him with their smartphones and wondering if it would be crass to ask for an autograph.
All the while, Sheen did what all actors should do, and complained to the bar tender. Sheen’s been in Vegas since the weekend and moaned about how the cheeses behind ‘Two and a Half Men’ had been trying to poke him in the ribs ’til he buggered off to rehab.
Apparently, Warner Bros. have been mulling over this whole situation, trying to work out whether it would be better to have a healthy Charlie Sheen or, indeed, whether they should simply enjoy all this free publicity he’s getting for the show. After all, actors are replaceable.
While everyone was worried about the shooting of ‘Two and a Half Men’, Charlie Sheen thought it would be much more fun to hook-up with three porn stars instead. At the same time. Regardless of whether Sheen is completely batshit mental and broken in the brains, we have to applaud any man that even thinks he’s able to keep up with, not only three women, but three women who have sex with men with giant penises for a living.
Sheen is due on set of his (frankly rubbish) show this week, where presumably, he’ll have amazing bloodshot eyeballs, a shrivelled liver, a slight limp and a glowing red glans.
Good work Charlie. Don’t go dying on us. You’re too much fun to write about.
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