Charlie Sheen Just Moved Ashton Kutcher Up On His Shit List

Charlie Sheen versus Ashton KutcherAshton Kutcher has decided it is time for him to man up and start calling out some of his haters.  Of course there are a shit ton of these people, which makes a lot of sense when you are an incredibly untalented philandering actor who is still managing to make bank.  There are so many options for Ashton to choose from.

But proving that he still is just as dumb as the idiot Kelso he once played on TV, Kutcher felt starting a war with crack head Charlie Sheen was a logical choice.  If I was Kutcher I would be watching my ass now because I would not put it past Sheen to pull a Tonya Harding and take a bat to Ashton when he least expects it.

Ashton Kutcher was on Jimmy Kimmel live, promoting his terrible show Two and a Half Men (yup, that shit is STILL on the air), when somehow the conversation turned to the King of Train Wrecks himself, and prior lead to said shitty show, Charlie Sheen.  Kutcher decided it was time to poke the hornet’s nest and call out Sheen for still talking a ton of smack about Kutcher.   Like this gem from a few weeks ago:

Kutcher is tired of people judging him basically replaying the same character from That 70s Show, just with money and skinny jeans. He is a SERIOUS actor, you guys.  Didn’t you see him do an Oscar worthy job of butchering the late great Steve Jobs?  Anyway,  Ashton took the opportunity to tell Sheen to basically STFU and stop reminding everyone that the shitty show used to be somewhat less shitty when Charlie was on it.

“I’m going to publicly plea right now with Charlie. Dude, shut the fuck up! Like, seriously! Enough already! It’s like 3 years later and you’re still blowing me up on Twitter? Come on dude, really?”

Come on, Ashton.  Charlie Sheen is like the Brandi Glanville of the actual acting world.  3 years, 10 years- he will never let it go.  And as the replacement, “other man,” you will never be safe from Sheen’s rantings.

However, Charlie surprised all of us by Tweeting an actual sensible response.  I have heard that serious drug addicts have moments of clarity in between highs, which has to explain why I could understand one of his Tweet without an Urban Dictionary and a few shots of Tequila.

But then a few hours later that damn dragon’s blood started fucking shit up again in Charlie’s brain, and he Tweeted a second response to Kutcher.

Haha, just kidding!  Charlie can’t ever be sane and mature!

Ashton Kutcher has no idea what he just started.  Sheen is like that creepy guy you see pushing the stolen shopping cart around the neighborhood who talks to himself a lot and wears a jacket covered in bird shit and rat piss.  He may scream obscenities at you and threaten to steal your eyeballs for aliens, but you never engage him!  You just pretend he doesn’t exist, because if you don’t and you piss him off, you are bound to get jumped and wake up in a dumpster behind a Subway with one less kidney.  In this case though, I see Sheen more as a “send you dead opossums in the mail” kind of guy.  Or “send you a hooker with AIDS” type of gentleman, which would be really fucked up because we all know Kutcher can’t keep it in his pants very well and I like Mila Kunis.

It’s not that I don’t think Kutcher is totally valid with what he is saying, we are ALL sick of Charlie Sheen.  It’s just that it seems pointless to try and ever reason with the guy about anything, let alone doing it in a testy manner.   He is a fucking nut job, Ashton.  Let him be.

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