Charlie Sheen Getting Married To Non-Laptop Hurling Nutter For Once

Girls, help us out here - what is it about prostitute-banging, cocaine-snorting, fiance-shooting, tragically unfunny sitcom-starring Charlie Sheen that makes all the women in the world line up to marry him, because we're curious.

Not that it matters of course, because women keep getting engaged to Charlie Sheen no matter what - and the latest of Charlie Sheen's fiancees is Brooke Mueller, who's apparently some sort of real estate investor. Brooke Mueller is undoubtedly a brave woman, since following Denise Richards as Charlie Sheen's wife is a big job for any woman, but it's thought that Brooke has got off to a great start by not accusing Charlie Sheen of watching kiddie porn and killing a prostitute, nor has she left Charlie Sheen for the husband of her best friend or thrown a laptop computer at a wheelchair-bound pensioner yet. It's little things like these that really add up when it comes to relationship forming.

We're just going to admit it - we pretty much thought Charlie Sheen was going to stay single for the rest of his life after splitting up with Denise Richards because, in a world full of Paul McCartney stabbings and David Hasselhoff nose-punchings, Charlie Sheen stands head and shoulders above the pack as King Of Coming Out Of A Divorce Pretty Badly.

You name it, the Charlie Sheen/ Denise Richards divorce had it. Claims that Charlie Sheen liked very young porn? Check. Claims that Charlie Sheen helped to kill a prostitute? Check? Voicemail tapes of Charlie Sheen yelling "I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright so fuck you" at Denise Richards? Check. Denise Richards running off with her best friends husband, entering a prolonged stage of self-justification and then throwing a laptop at an old lady? Check check check.

But, hey, Brooke Mueller has all of this to look forward to, because she's getting married to Charlie Sheen now, as E! Online reports:

E! News has confirmed that, after about a year of dating, the recently divorced actor has become engaged to real estate investor Brooke Mueller. According to Us Weekly, Sheen popped the question on a Costa Rican beach with a $500,000 diamond ring—a no-brainer, one would think, for the highest paid sitcom star on television. Sheen's rep, Stan Rosenfeld, has issued a blanket "no comment" on the betrothal news.

We're positive that Charlie Sheen has now managed to put his wayward behaviour of the past behind him and make the absolute best of his marriage to Brooke Mueller. However, short of machine-gunning everyone that Brooke has ever known, arranging their bodies into a horribly racist epithet and then setting fire to Brooke's hair, it's honestly hard to think of a way that Charlie Sheen can make his upcoming marriage any worse than his previous one. Unless he forces Brooke Mueller to watch DVD boxsets of Two And A Half Men every weekend, of course, although we doubt that even Charlie Sheen is even that depraved.

Read more:

Denise Who? Charlie Sheen Scores Fiancee - E! Online