There comes a point in every man's life when – after sending an email to his ex-wife mocking her mother's chemotherapy – he looks down and the tattoo of a spectacle-wearing dragon and asks himself why.
And, for Charlie Sheen, that day has come. In a welcome distraction from his increasingly ridiculous child custody battle with Denise Richards, Charlie Sheen has shown that he'll do anything for the love by letting a bunch of men uncomfortably laser off all 13 of his tattoos at the behest of his fiancee Brooke Mueller, including the one of a stingray, the one reading 'back in 15 minutes' where his heart should be and, obviously, the one on his wrist that read 'Denise'. While the good news is that this tattoo removal effectively acts as Charlie Sheen's symbolic skin-shedding following his spats with Denise Richards, the bad news is that episodes of Two And A Half Men are now even more likely to be peppered with flashes of blindness-inducing 42-year-old man-boob.
Celebrity custody battles pretty much beg the public to take sides. There's Kim Basinger Vs Alec Baldwin – the woman who allegedly slanders her ex-husbands reputation with chocolate bar wrappers and the man who calls his daughter a rude pig; there's David Hasselhoff Vs Pamela Bach – a drunk man who eats burgers off the floor and a woman who the man calls a "whore cunt bitch slut drug addict"; and Britney Spears Vs Kevin Federline, although choosing between either of those is a bit like picking the type of infected syringe-filled skip you want to fall off a burning building into.
And then there's the king and queen of the ridiculous celebrity child custody battle, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. You want your custody battle to include child porn? Accusations of hooker murder? Charlie Sheen's balls webcammed into your face? Scary requests for more children? Wheelchair-bound old ladies getting hit with hurled laptops? Then clearly you need the Charlie Sheen/ Denise Richards child custody battle. But now that Charlie Sheen is engaged to Brooke Mueller he wants to make a fresh start.
And what better way for Charlie Sheen to do that than by getting the tattoo of the word 'Denise' removed from his wrist. And, while they're at it, they can get rid of the other 12 tattoos of ridiculous crap that Charlie Sheen was too wasted to even remember when he got them done anyway. Page Six reports:
Charlie Sheen is so serious about fiancée Brooke Mueller, he's promised to remove his 13 tattoos, which she hates. Sheen, who spent his early years partying hard and bedding a bevy of actresses, doesn't remember getting some of the gruesome tats, including a dragon with glasses and a stingray on his left ankle. A wooden sign nailed to his chest above his heart reads, "Back in 15 minutes." That one was originally meant to be an ashtray, he said, but went horribly wrong. Sheen can't even remember the year he got it.
Of course, it's only assumed that Charlie Sheen is getting his tattoos removed to appease his fiancee. it could just be that he's clearing the canvas for his masterpiece – a tattoo of a sad jobless pig with a crying bald mother stretched right across his back.
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Bom Chika Wah Wah says
“…and Britney Spears Vs Kevin Federline, although choosing between either of those is a bit like picking the type of infected syringe-filled skip you want to fall off a burning building into.”
Hahah Stuart, you crack me up!
Jake Wingo says
Charlie Sheen’s niece is at http://www.myspace.com/rexrex The family resemblance is amazing!