Now, one of two things has happened. Charlie Sheen might have put on a false moustache to cheat on his wife.
But that’s debatable. We certainly don’t want to get into any legal hot water by suggesting that Charlie Sheen is definitely having sex with another woman behind his wife’s back. Luckily, though, there’s another explanation to all of this – Charlie Sheen sometimes walks around in a ludicrous false moustache because that’s just the sort of thing that he likes to do.
Either way, cheating on his wife or not cheating on his wife, this is a story about Charlie Sheen walking around in a false moustache. Honestly, the world would have gone a lot easier on Tiger Woods if he’d thought of doing something as flat out ridiculous as this. Well done, Charlie Sheen. We salute you.
What with Charlie Sheen’s life in a near-constant state of flux at the moment – he’s been arrested for attacking his wife, who almost died and then went to rehab for what’s believed to be crack addiction before he himself went to rehab and threatened to quit his sitcom – it’s important that he grounds himself with something stable; a rock to moor himself while all else around him goes topsy-turvy. As far as we’re concerned, that rock has always been this: Charlie Sheen is not funny.
Because he’s not. No matter what else happens in this mixed-up world, Charlie Sheen is not funny. He’s the opposite of funny. Watch any episode of Two And A Half Men or take a furtive peek into the car crash that is his private life and you’ll see just how terminally unfunny Charlie Sheen is. To reiterate, Charlie Sheen is simply not funny.
Except now he is.
It’s been claimed that Charlie Sheen is cheating on his wife with another woman who might be a prostitute. That’s not really news in itself because, well, it’s Charlie Sheen. But what is news is that Charlie Sheen was photographed visiting his mistress in sunglasses and a fake moustache so unremittingly silly that he may as well have been playing circus music from a ghetto blaster hung around his neck at the same time. And that is funny. Unquestionably funny.
What’s funny is that, after hearing that Charlie Sheen had allegedly been visiting a mistress/ prostitute behind his wife’s back – and that he’d been doing it dressed like the world’s worst Groucho Marx impersonator – it fell to his publicist to explain the story away. How did he do it? Access Hollywood has his legendary excuse:
Sheen?s rep told Access the visit was an attempt to help a friend and that ?[s]ince Sheen knew he was being followed and how this would look, he wore the moustache in a tongue and cheek disguise gesture.?
Actually, although the whole ‘he was joking’ excuse might seem a little outlandish at first, it does hold up to scrutiny. After all, Charlie Sheen’s rep is saying that he did something in a deliberately rubbish way because he knew that people were watching him. And if that doesn’t perfectly describe his acting style on Two And A Half Men, then we don’t know what does.
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