Chantelle Wins Celebrity Big Brother - Pretend Betting Odds

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Chantelle, the duck-faced Essex nobody (not Jodie Marsh, the other duck-faced Essex nobody) managed to beat all expectations on Friday to win this series of Celebrity Big Brother. But what have we learnt?

Not all that much, to be honest. Maybe that being friendly and a bit stupid is the best way to reach the public’s heart; maybe that the way to stand out on Celebrity Big Brother is to try and kiss a member of a rubbish Madness tribute band; maybe that staying up late to watch Celebrity Big Brother Live and Celebrity Big Brother’s Big Mouth and then waking up early to watch Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Breakfast is the quickest way around to lose your mind.

Usually at this point we’d have a fistful of Celebrity Big Brother betting odds to give you. But - as you may have noticed, Celebrity Big Brother is all done and dusted. So, now that Chantelle has won Celebrity Big Brother, here are the very latest pretend Celebrity Big Brother betting odds that you can’t bet on whatsoever.

Davina McCall to one day get through an entire live Celebrity Big Brother link without pulling a face like a Scream mask - 23/1

All of Preston’s new-found teenage fame to dissolve entirely as soon
as the pubescent female army actually gets around to listening to some
songs by The Ordinary Boys only to quickly realise that they all sound
exactly like Baggy Trousers - 7/2

Pete Burns to replace Rolf Harris as the host of Animal Hospital - 98/1

Pete Burns to replace Rolf Harris as the host of Animal Hospital
after being told that he can take the dead pets home to make clothes out
of - EVENS

George Galloway to quit politics for an early retirement of playing
with a ball of wool and bringing in dead frogs from the garden - 9/1

Dennis Rodman to ever ever give a shit about anything that ever happens ever in the world ever - 85/1

Jodie Marsh to ever pissing well shut up about what a bloody victim she is - 10,000/1

This year’s Celebrity Big Brother to go down in history as "That one that thingy won, you know, whatshername." - 4/1

The British public to feel slightly rueful about voting for
Chantelle after I Want It Right Now gets played 957 times in a row by
hilariously ironic local radio DJs across the country - 3/1

Chantelle to ever be called by her real surname instead of FromCelebrityBigBrother again - 34/1

Just because Celebrity Big Brother has finished, don’t think that
you can stop betting. SportingOdds.com is rammed full of brilliant
betting odds for all kinds of amazing markets. And don’t forget that
your first bet - up to £25 - will be matched by SportingOdds.com when
you open an account with hecklerspray.

[story by Stuart Heritage]