Dreadful orange sloppy-seconds-bargain-bin-Jordan Chantelle ?Chantelle? Houghton, not content with hawking her fake breasts, fake eyelashes and, we presume, non-fake pregnant belly has this week launched an all-out assault on anyone with any sense of decorum whatsoever.
Appearing in nothing more than a bikini in more tatty publications and websites than we were even aware existed (Celebrity Baby Scoop anyone? Anyone? we're not even making it up) Chantelle has been coining it something rotten from her four-month old child, serving only to remind the world that she is swelled with the product of ex-Katie Price ?Reidenator? Alex Reid.
?Reidenator?. Yes. Katie ?Jordan? Price said that out loud.
Do you know what Chantelle said out loud, discussing her apparent inability to get pregnant ? because that's just the thing to mention when promoting one?s new range of fake eyelashes that no-one will buy when the Girls Aloud ones are still on the shelves in Boots no matter how pregnant you are ? do you? This:
‘What's the saying? Where there's a sperm, there's a way. I only release an egg three times a year, so the chances of me actually getting pregnant naturally were one per cent ? slim to none. I think maybe it happened because we weren't just having sex to get pregnant any more.’
Ensuring that any right-thinking person vomits from their very eyes at the thought of ?Reidenating? in action and never has sex with anyone again.
Chantelle?s unborn foetus was unavailable for comment at time of publication, but sources claim it could live without all the front-page manky magazine coverage until it's at least born, but is getting-on ok with its housemates and has even nicknamed them ?The Silicone Twins?.
And is very proud of it's mother.