Channel Four In Trouble For Almost Killing Someone

Channel Four spin-off station E4 is facing a little bit of criticism. Not for broadcasting drivel like The O.C and that programme where those models twat about on an island… oh, no. E4 is in hot water over the far more serious matter of someone nearly dying.

Or so it would seem.

The complaints all stem from E4 show Death Wish Live! Unfortunately, this wasn’t a must-see extravaganza featuring miraculously-reanimated Charlie Bronson wandering around South London and enacting bloody revenge on the criminal underworld.

No. It was actually a stunt by escapologist Jonathan Goodwin to free himself from a noose within thirty seconds. All very ‘impressive’… until the stunt went wrong and one of Jonny’s mates had to run in and cut him down.

Channel Four - rather unnecessarily - issued a statement claimed that the Death Wish Live! stunt has misfired. It made pains to point out, however, that Goodwin was "not in any danger."

A Channel Four spokeswoman babbled:

"As a result of a pre-arranged safety measure, when Jonathan did not
manage to escape within 30 seconds, his friend cut the noose. At no
point was Jonathan’s life in danger. Jonathan was immediately seen by paramedics on site who have
confirmed that he is well and his only injuries are minor rope burns."

But what of Jonathan himself? What of the ‘hero’ of this story? Probably giving a thumbs-up - kind of like someone sentenced to death by stoning in Saudi Arabia getting all excited because the first rock missed - Goodwin explained to the world that everything was just dandy:

"I was told it was dangerous and stupid and it turns out that the
advice was right. But despite a sore neck, I am fine and hope to be
buried alive on Friday."

What’s that? Buried alive!? Yes - this Friday you can tune in and watch Goodwin try to make his way out of a coffin which has been lowered into the ground and covered with cement. hecklerspray’s advice: punch the guy who is putting you in the coffin and run away (we’re big on ‘cutting out the middle-man’ round our way).

Maybe this will herald a new era of Channel Four personalities doing stupid and unfeasibly dangerous things. We’ve been pitching Justin Fights Animals for ages now - a six-part series in which silly-haired beardy-fool Justin Lee Collins is forced to travel the world, fighting barehanded with some of the most vicious predators that nature has to offer, while all the time shouting "Dear god, I’m so so sorry for making The Friday Night Project even worse than everyone thought it was going to be" over and over again.

Series two would feature Jimmy Carr. And some wolves.

Read More:

Channel 4 in TV ‘Death Wish’ Probe - Yahoo!

[story by C J Davies]