I hope you guys saved your receipts, because you’re all going to need to return whatever bullshit gifts you bought for people because a true Christmas miracle is upon us! The suicide rates will NOT be going up this holiday season, because the best Christmas film since “The Muppet Christmas Carol” is upon us! That’s right, a Mama June and Sugar Bear sex tape might be on the way!
Oh, I’m sorry, did I say that the suicide rates would not be going up this holiday season? I meant they will, they 100% will, because if this thing happens people won’t be able to resist watching it, and once you watch Mama June all nekkid and getting her groooove on, you can never unsee that shit.