10 Times I Actually Related to Kim Kardashian

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So, Tuesday was Kim Kardashian’s 33rd birthday, and as she is one of my spirit animals, I’d like to take some time out to show appreciation to the woman I absolutely love to blog about. I mean, it’s her birthday, no reason for me to act like I hate her today, when we all know deep down I don’t.

Most of the time, Kim is the least relatable celebrity there is. She drags her toddler to Paris fashion shows, she’s releasing a book of selfies, she never leaves the house without her face contoured, and she won’t take a crap unless she’s wearing Balmain. I mean, she doesn’t give us peasants a whole lot to relate to. However, once in a blue moon, I totally get Kim Kardashian. So, in honor of her birthday, here are 10 times I totally related to her.

I Get It, Renee Zellweger Looks Different.

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So, I woke up today and the internet had gone INSANE over Renee Zellweger. At first, I was like “Woah! Have I woken up in 1996?! What stellar advice should I give 10-year-old Krysta?!” But alas, I was still 28 and stuck in 2014. As it turned out, the internet wasn’t abuzz over Renee’s career or some high profile relationship, instead people were going nuts about her face.

I looked into the matter and found the above picture. This is Renee just the other night at the Elle 21st Women in Hollywood Awards with her boyfriend. She is basically completely unrecognizable. In fact, Twitter like blew up with people being like “Nu-uh, that is NOT Renee, that is someone else!” Sure, I don’t think she looks at all like she used to, but, for me, the big story here is that people give this much of a fuck about what Renee Zellweger looks like.

Taylor Swift Real Talks Selena Gomez

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Regardless of all the speculation about where their friendship stands, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are apparently still total besties. And like most besties, they turn to each other for relationship advice. I almost choked on my cream soda while typing that, because the idea of either Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez giving relationship advice is hilarious. It’s like the blind leading the blind.

However, Selena was on that god awful show I don’t watch, The Talk, last Friday, and shared some advice Taylor had given her, and dare I say it was actually good? I suppose when you keep going back to Justin Bieber’s dirt ‘stache, even Taylor Swift can talk some quality romantic advice to you.

Evan Rachel Wood is Getting Her Sexy Gay On

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If you follow my blogs, you’ve probably noticed that I have a thing for sexy lesbian celebrity couples. And yes, my husband is concerned. Well, the sexy lesbian God’s have smiled upon me, because newly single babe, Evan Rachel Wood, is allegedly dating The L Word’s Katherine Moennig. No one is happier about this than me (except maybe Evan Rachel Wood).

Much like how LA Laker’s player, Nick Young, wooed rapper, Iggy Azaela, this relationship seemingly came about by Evan posting about her love for Katherine via Twitter. Sometimes celebs aren’t like us. Regular folk use Tindr for hook-ups and dating, celebs just throw a #womancrushwednesday at a fellow famous person on Twitter and BAM! a new celebrity couple emerges.

Jude Law Keeps Knockin’ Broads Up

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Celebrities: They’re just like us, and Jude Law is no different. Just like most men, his hairline keeps getting further and further back on his head and, also like most men, he apparently really, really hates condoms. That’s ride, good old rude Jude is going to be a dad for the FIFTH time! One more kid and he’ll get the Brangelina discount card at the Gap. 

Jude is having yet another love child (him and the baby mama aren’t together), this time with a 23-year-old named Catherine Harding who was apparently on the Irish version of The X Factor or something. I say he’s having yet another love child, because five years ago he knocked up a 24-year-old waitress. Jude Law is almost 42, so you’d think he’d have learned to put on condoms when banging random 20-somethings, but I guess not.

Okay, The Amanda Bynes Trainwreck Is No Longer Funny

Amanda Bynes IssuesI take full responsibility for being one of the many people who laughed at Amanda Bynes turn into a trainwreck a couple years back.  I mean, how could you not find some amusement at her terrible wigs,  Twitter shade, DUI, and hot mess outfits?

But now it’s gone from a situation that warrants some giggles, to one that just is sad.  Girlfriend needs some serious help, and it’s looking like no one is stepping up to give it to her.

The 10 Hottest Second Generation Celebrities

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As celebs like Angelina Jolie and Kate Hudson have proved, some attractive and talented famous people go on to have other attractive and talented famous people. However, not all sexy celebrity offspring have gone on to achieve the level of fame that the likes of Angelina and Kate have reached (yet).

So, I have compiled a list of 10 of the most second generation celebs. Some are noteworthy and you’ve probably already heard of them, others are mostly famous on Instagram or for hanging out with Kendall and Kylie Jenner. To each their own, I guess.

The Dad From 7th Heaven is Gross and Into Little Kids

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7th Heaven was one of those shows I watched religiously (pun intended), but never told anyone because I didn’t want to look like a total square. Stephen Collins played Eric Camden on the show, the lovable dad/happily married pastor with a heart of gold who made everyone else’s dad look shitty. Sadly, as it turns out, Charlie Sheen might’ve been a better real life dad than Stephen Collins.

Robin Thicke’s Marriage Is Officially DOA

Robin Thicke Paula Patton DivorceIt was pretty obvious to all of us here obsessed with celebrities we don’t actually know in real life that Paula Patton and Robin Thicke’s marriage was in some deep trouble, even before they officially separated.  He just reeked of dirty dog, and she seemed like too much of a class act to put up with his bullshit forever.

When shit hit the fan and she left his ass, Thicke stopped dry humping groupies long enough to start pathetically groveling for Paula back. It was so awkward to witness, but also sad because I don’t know anyone who really thought any of it would work.  And it seems it didn’t.

Drake Is Full Of Post Hook Up Crazy

DrakeUsually its girls who tend to bring the crazy after hooking up with someone, but Drake has shown that guys too can ride the nutso train.  Seems someone had a bit of post-coitus paranoia, and decided threatening the girl made the most sense in keeping her quiet.

Now of course that totally backfired and not only did the girl go to the cops, it’s being reported about all over the place.  Smart, Drake.