6 Celebrities Who Need to Calm The Hell Down Part 2

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A few months ago, I posted a list of six celebrities who needed to calm the fuck down. You know, people like Kanye West and Oprah. Well, here’s the thing about celebrities: they’re really bad at chilling the fuck out, so I figured I’d do a part two and discuss six new celebrities that prove that they too need to calm the fuck down.

I won’t post any repeats from my last list, even though I do think those six people need to chill (this Instagram fight with Iggy Azaela is absolutely ridiculous, Snoop Dogg, calm the fuck down!). No, these are six totally different celebs that need to put an Ativan in their coffee in the morning, you know, how I get through my day.

10 Celebs Who Fail/Nail Halloween Costumes

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Halloween is legit my favorite day of the entire year. I spend the entire month of October watching Halloween movies and specials prepping myself for the greatest day of the year. You see, I take Halloween pretty seriously, and if I had the money I’d throw the biggest Halloween party and have the best costume ever.

Like me, a lot of celebrities get pretty serious about Halloween as well and to great lengths to pull off some pretty great costumes. Whereas others fucking suck at Halloween and clearly don’t appreciate the greatness of the event. Here are five celebrities that totally nail Halloween costumes and five that totally fail at them.

Are People Surprised Mama June is a Bad Mom?

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The show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” was the most beloved redneck show on television. I say “was” because TLC just canceled that shit because, get this: Honey Boo Boo’s mom, Mama June Shannon, decided it would be a fucking brilliant idea to start dating one of her former boyfriends who just got out of prison after serving 10 years for aggravated child molestation.

BUT WAIT! IT GETS WORSE! The child he went to jail for molesting was Mama June’s very own daughter, Anna! That’s right, he did 10 years for molesting her child, and now that he’s out she’s buying him used cars and house hunting with him. Mama June makes Kris Jenner look like Mother of the Year.

Kylie Jenner Continues A Proud Kardashian Tradition

Kylie JennerLife moves quickly in the Kardashian-Jenner household.

It’s your first magazine spread at birth, your first Gucci sheer dress at a year old, your state-of-the-art Range Rover at fifteen, botox at seventeen, first marriage at around twenty one, shortly followed by a messy divorce, a carefully planned nude photo scandal, and a whirlwind romance with a rapper to create the next generation of hot mess.

Kylie Jenner is already well ahead of schedule judging by her bizarre sausage lips and new boo ‘Tyga’, so we could well be looking at Kylie’s Big Fat Wedding Special to round off the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. That show will never die as long as Young Money is around, guys.

Kris Jenner Officially Has Zero Shame

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I know, I know, those of you who read the title of this blog are probably thinking “Duh, bitch! Tell us something we don’t know!” And I agree, we all already knew Kris Jenner, Satan’s favorite side piece, has never had an ounce of shame in her life, but the shit she’s pulling now is officially low even for her. Which is really saying something.

Natural born pimp, Kris, has been whoring out her new cook book, In the Kitchen with Kris, for weeks now, which is hysterical because when I think of Kris Jenner cooking I think of that episode of The Simpsons where Marge gets in with those rich ladies at the country club and one of them complains about the mess she made microwaving a can of soup, but I digress. In Kris’ shittastic cookbook she included…wait for it…a recipe by O.J. Simpson murder victim, Nicole Brown Simpson. I shit you not.

Annie Lennox Doesn’t Think Twerking is Feminist

whhhyyyy Growing up, I fucking loved Annie Lennox. “Walking on Broken Glass” was (and still is) my JAM, and I always thought she was a super cool feminist, but, not unlike Beyoncé (who she recently threw major feminist shade at), Annie has let me down. First, she slammed Beyoncé for her “feminist lite”, which I could get behind because thanks to Beyoncé’s STUNT QUEEN antics and thigh gap photoshopping, I’m starting to think that Queen Bey doesn’t practice what she preaches.

So, you wanna throw shade at Beyoncé? Fine. I hear you. But when you come on full blast with your passive-aggressive bullshit about how female popstars today and their twerking isn’t empowering them or doing anything for feminism, I have to roll my eyes. Because you know what’s not feminist? Telling other women what empowers them.

10 Times I Actually Related to Kim Kardashian

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So, Tuesday was Kim Kardashian’s 33rd birthday, and as she is one of my spirit animals, I’d like to take some time out to show appreciation to the woman I absolutely love to blog about. I mean, it’s her birthday, no reason for me to act like I hate her today, when we all know deep down I don’t.

Most of the time, Kim is the least relatable celebrity there is. She drags her toddler to Paris fashion shows, she’s releasing a book of selfies, she never leaves the house without her face contoured, and she won’t take a crap unless she’s wearing Balmain. I mean, she doesn’t give us peasants a whole lot to relate to. However, once in a blue moon, I totally get Kim Kardashian. So, in honor of her birthday, here are 10 times I totally related to her.

I Get It, Renee Zellweger Looks Different.

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So, I woke up today and the internet had gone INSANE over Renee Zellweger. At first, I was like “Woah! Have I woken up in 1996?! What stellar advice should I give 10-year-old Krysta?!” But alas, I was still 28 and stuck in 2014. As it turned out, the internet wasn’t abuzz over Renee’s career or some high profile relationship, instead people were going nuts about her face.

I looked into the matter and found the above picture. This is Renee just the other night at the Elle 21st Women in Hollywood Awards with her boyfriend. She is basically completely unrecognizable. In fact, Twitter like blew up with people being like “Nu-uh, that is NOT Renee, that is someone else!” Sure, I don’t think she looks at all like she used to, but, for me, the big story here is that people give this much of a fuck about what Renee Zellweger looks like.

Taylor Swift Real Talks Selena Gomez

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Regardless of all the speculation about where their friendship stands, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are apparently still total besties. And like most besties, they turn to each other for relationship advice. I almost choked on my cream soda while typing that, because the idea of either Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez giving relationship advice is hilarious. It’s like the blind leading the blind.

However, Selena was on that god awful show I don’t watch, The Talk, last Friday, and shared some advice Taylor had given her, and dare I say it was actually good? I suppose when you keep going back to Justin Bieber’s dirt ‘stache, even Taylor Swift can talk some quality romantic advice to you.

Evan Rachel Wood is Getting Her Sexy Gay On

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If you follow my blogs, you’ve probably noticed that I have a thing for sexy lesbian celebrity couples. And yes, my husband is concerned. Well, the sexy lesbian God’s have smiled upon me, because newly single babe, Evan Rachel Wood, is allegedly dating The L Word’s Katherine Moennig. No one is happier about this than me (except maybe Evan Rachel Wood).

Much like how LA Laker’s player, Nick Young, wooed rapper, Iggy Azaela, this relationship seemingly came about by Evan posting about her love for Katherine via Twitter. Sometimes celebs aren’t like us. Regular folk use Tindr for hook-ups and dating, celebs just throw a #womancrushwednesday at a fellow famous person on Twitter and BAM! a new celebrity couple emerges.