Celebrity Haiku: The Year In Review

Here we are, folks. We're fast approaching the end of 2006, and hecklerspray be getting retrospective on yo' ass.

Regular readers of this site - and if you're not one of them, slap yourself in the face like the mad fool you are - will be aware that we like to set our beloved audience a weekly task: to sum up a crazy topical celebrity story in the style of an ancient Japanese poetry-writer.

We call it the Celebrity Haiku Competition. Just for the sake of simplicity. 

We're going to give the haikus a bit of a rest until 2007 - we wouldn't want to spoil you -  but rest assured that we'll be returning all bright and shiny and happy and (rumour has it) with the added incentive of actual prizes to look forward to. We know - has there ever been anything more exciting in the history of the known universe? We doubt it.

In the meantime, though, let's take a look at some of our favourite Celebrity Haikus of 2006, and the news-based japes that inspired them…

George Michael getting caught in a bush with a gay van driver?

OK, we get it

George Michael is a gay man

And a shit singer

Mel Gibson hating all the Jews?

Mel opens his mouth

Jew this and sugar tits that

What a drunk bastard

Noel Gallagher admitting to yet more tune-nicking?

So you ripped off the

Royle Family theme tune?

You Thunderbirds fool

Tom Cruise getting his very own National Day in Japan?

A whole day for you

To watch Top Gun and Cocktail?

Jesus fucking christ

O.J Simpson (almost) getting $3.5 million to write a book about 'hypothetically' murdering his wife?

three point five million?!?

damn, if i had me a wife

i’d kill the bitch too

And finally - our favourite - the moon-faced Doughboy from Keane admitting to bouts of drug abuse?

Is he a crackhead?

is it any wonder the

songs are all the same?

Stellar work, folks. May your lack of anything better to do excellent creative outbursts continue into the glorious new year.